


Soldier Boy

by FandomWriter23



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, F/F, F/M, M/M, Underage Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:34:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 37,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21556321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomWriter23/pseuds/FandomWriter23
Summary: Dean Winchester has always done as told. With a father who's a general, a dead mother, and a little brother he's always got to look out for, he's never really just done what he's wanted.Castiel Novak has always done what he's thought was best. With an almost-absent father, no mother to speak of, and older brothers that are constantly hounding him, he has no privacy. Not to mention the family drama with his oldest brothers, Lucifer and Michael.Best friends since childhood, they completely understand one another and love each other. But Dean didn't realize how deeply Castiel loved him until sparks flew between them.How will Dean react? How will their families react?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

Dean Winchester's apple green eyes connected with his best friend Castiel Shurley's crystal blue eyes. Dean was picking him up for school, Dean's little brother, Sammy, sitting in the passenger's seat of his baby- his 1967 Chevrolet Impala.

"Hey." Dean smiled, and Castiel grinned back. Cas's backpack was slung over his shoulder, the boy ready to go in his favorite tan trenchcoat. He was wearing it due to the pouring rain, while Dean wore his favorite leather jacket that was slightly too big for him. It had been Dean's father's until John Winchester had passed it down to his oldest son. It's one of Dean's most treasured objects, right after the necklace his mother had given him and his Impala, also from his dad.

"Ready to go?" Dean asked, and Cas nodded, locking the house front door behind him. Cas's dad was at work, where he spent most of his time, and two of Cas's older brothers were already at their own classes at the college nearby or at work; they never talked about Cas's other two oldest brothers anymore, mainly because there was nothing new to talk about. Anna, Cas's twin, and Balthazar, Cas's older brother by one year, was probably already at the school. Cas could've gotten a ride with his siblings, but always elected to wait for Dean.

They ran through the rain, ducking their heads to avoid the water a bit. Cas climbed into the back as Dean got in the front seat. Dean started the car, warming it up. Once all three were buckled in, Dean having to force Sam to buckle up, he drove them to school. Sammy was only a freshman, while Dean and Cas were seniors.

Dean climbed out, going around the car to his brother's side. Sammy climbed out, barely reaching Dean's chest. Dean slung an arm around his brother, smiling. "Now, kid, I know you can defend yourself, since you did beat up that kid Dirk. But if he messes with you again, tell me. I'll rip his lungs out," Dean promised, pulling Sam close. Cas walked next to them, his collar up against the wind.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it, Dean. I've got to get to class- Barry's waiting on me," Sammy grumbled, burying a smile. Dean released him, and Sammy ran into the school. Dean and Cas jogged the rest of the way, bumping shoulders slightly every so often.

As Dean enters the school, he receives fierce glares from a hurt blonde- Amanda Heckerling. "I told you it was a bad idea," Cas grumbled, standing slightly behind Dean. A bouncy brunette- the girl Dean had cheated on Amanda with- smiled at Dean seductively, and he rolled his eyes.

"What? She was getting too clingy and needed a reminder that I am a free man," Dean shot back, eyebrows furrowing in annoyance. Cas rolled his eyes, moving past his friend. Dean hurried after him, not wanting to linger around the hostile female and her friends.

This was the school Dean's been at the longest by far- a whole seven years. When he was growing up, he lived in Kansas, but after his mom died, they began moving around a lot. He was about eight, in third grade, and until sixth grade, they moved around at least four times a year.

Dean's dad was a highly decorated general, and he was moved wherever they needed help. His mom has always held down the fort at home, raising the boys, but when she died, they had to move around with him. It wasn't until Sammy had finally asked if they could stay in one place that their dad finally did. When you're as high as he is on the ladder, you can ask to stop moving.

Now, seven years later, and John hasn't broken his promise to Sammy yet- though John Winchester has certainly gone off a lot, still. He just left a good buddy of his, Bobby Singer, in charge of the boys while he's gone. Dean didn't really mind- Bobby was great. He played catch with Dean, took care of Sammy, and cared about Dean.

It had been weird at first, staying in one place so long, but eventually he got used to it and made friends like Cas. Cas and him had been through thick and thin, always having each other's backs. Some guys had liked to make fun of Cas, and when Dean had found out, he pummeled them. When things with Cas's family went to shit, Dean had comforted him and gotten his mind off of it.

They understood each other- both wanted their father's approval. Both had absent fathers. Neither had a mother.

They went into their first class of the day, sitting next to each other as usual. A few jocks shouted out their greetings to Dean, while Cas got the greeting of some drama kids. Bobby had convinced Dean to go out for the football, wrestling, and baseball teams when he was a freshman- a good way to get out his aggression- while Cas had decided to express himself in a different way. Some of Dean's teammates had tried to crack jokes about Cas over the years, but Dean had put a stop to it. As the quarterback, he led the pack. They'd learned to fall in line and not step over the line he'd drawn.

After about an hour of Dean ignoring the teacher and Cas writing down every single word he could that pertained to whatever they were learning about, the class was released for their next period. Dean and Cas separated, their classes on separate ends of the school. Dean passed Sammy in the hall, walking with his friend Barry. "Hey, Sammy." Dean smiled his crooked smile, sending most girls swooning, and Sam waved in response, smiling slightly. Barry stood awkwardly next to him, waiting.

Dean continued on his way, winking at some girls as he went. A few glared, hearing the rumors about Dean's cheating. Some winked back, smiling seductively, hearing the same rumors. The rest smiled bashfully, shocked they were getting the boy's attention. Dean managed to get to class- unfortunately he shared it with Amanda.

Until lunch, Dean continued ignoring his teachers and sending notes to girls he found attractive. When he was finally released for lunch, he met Cas at the locker that they shared, dropping their stuff off. They made their way to the cafeteria, the room going silent as they walked in.

It was a commonly held belief in the school that Castiel was one of the most gorgeous guys in the school, Dean being the only one that could possibly surpass him. They were equally popular in their separate circles, Cas getting most of the leads in their school's productions, and Dean being the star quarterback.

Dean lifted his chin up as they walked in, while Cas fell into step behind him, his head somewhat hung low. It was easy to see who was the one in charge, but Cas had never minded. It was Dean's and Cas's personalities. Cas wasn't decisive- Dean was.

Dean spotted Sammy tucked away at a corner table with Barry, Kevin, Lily, Lily's girlfriend Kate, Jake, Andrew (Andy) and Ansem- freaky twins- and Jess- Sam's friends. A few people kept trying to sit with them, but Sammy kept sending them all away. Dean made his way over, Cas following him. "Hey, little brother." Dean smiled, plopping into the seat next to Sam. Cas sat on the other side of Dean, waving to some of his other friends.

"How's class?" Dean asked, putting his elbows on the table casually. "Fine. English is the best now that Dirk isn't making fun of us," Sammy informed him, taking a huge bite of the sandwich Dean had made for him this morning. Barry grimaced at seeing Sam talk with his mouth full, but otherwise didn't say anything as he ate his generic lunch that he'd received in the lunch-line. Kevin rolled his eyes, eating the lunch his mom packed him quietly. Jess looked disgusted, but said nothing. Lily and Kate were staring at each other too much to notice, Jake was stuffing his face just as much, Andy was staring at his ex Tracey across the lunchroom, and Ansem was staring angrily at Tracey.

Dean swore that Ansem was a possessive girlfriend rather than Andy's twin brother.

"I'm gonna go grab myself some food," Cas said, abandoning Dean at the lunch table with the nine freshmen. Some football players came over, talking to Dean and Jake- the kid was a damn good athlete- about the big game or something, but Sammy ignored it. His attention had been caught by something across the lunch room.

Dirk was sitting all alone, barely eating what was in front of him. Some kids at the tables around him were pointing and laughing, and Dirk looked horrible. Sammy was pretty sure he was going to start crying. It had been awhile since Sam had beat him in that fight, and everyone had taken to calling him Dirk the Jerk. The nickname was courtesy of Sam, and he was starting to regret it.

No one deserves that kind of treatment, even a bully.


	2. Chapter 2

"Sam, are you crazy? He'll kill us!" Barry exclaimed over the phone, seriously doubting his friend's mental stability in that moment.

"Barry, I know you see him as all bad, but have you looked at the kid lately? He's obviously sad, and I can't help but feel like I'm the cause of it," Sammy said quietly, not wanting Dean to overhear. Dean was happy about Dirk's new treatment, stating that he deserved it, but Dean hadn't ever been bullied before. Sam has, and it's not a good feeling.

"Sam, he's the bully, not the bullied. He's just getting a taste of his own medicine," Barry replied, feeling irritated. They'd just gotten Dirk to stop making fun of them, and Sam wants to be nice to him?

"But think about it, Barry. You've had me to talk to, and he doesn't have any friends. Maybe all he's wanted is a friend," Sammy said, desperate to get his friend to see where he was coming from.

He must've gotten through to him because Barry sighed on the other end of the phone. "Fine, but if he tries to kill us, I'm blaming you," Barry grumbled in defeat, his voice smaller than Sam had ever heard it.

Sam grinned, agreeing to meet Barry at a specified location on Monday before school began to go over the plan to make friends with Dirk. Barry still thought Sam was insane, but that didn't perturb Sam's plan much.

Dean was downstairs, too busy beating Castiel at a game of Mario Cart to really care what his brother was up to. Knowing the nerd, probably studying. Which happened to be what Castiel was trying to make Dean let him do.

"Dean, I have a big test coming up!" Cas whined, nothing that if he didn't start studying soon, he wouldn't be prepared at all for his anatomy test on Monday, which was only three days away.

He wasn't getting into medical school with bad grades.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you'll do great on it without even trying." Dean wasn't paying much attention, his character picking up a shell. He threw it, hitting the character in front of him and taking first place easily. Dean smiled triumphantly, as if Cas hadn't thrown the game in favor of trying to convince Dean to let him study.

Castiel continued whining before Dean finally relented.

"Fine, fine! Study already!" Dean exclaimed exasperatedly. Cas instantly put his controller down and pulled out his books, already going over his notes.

Suddenly, the Winchesters' door opened, two sets of distinct footsteps entering the house. John Winchester wasn't due back for weeks... Even months... So who was it?

Anna and Balthazar appeared in the doorway to the living room, both looking exhausted. Both threw themselves on the other living room couch, Anna shutting her eyes as Balthazar rubbed his eyes.

"What happened?" Cas asked, sighing.

"Michael and Raphael came home, Dad came home drunk, and Raphael commenced telling Dad how much of a screw up he was while Michael yelled at Raphael to be quiet. I grabbed this on the way out," Balthazar said frustratedly, holding up a bottle of some liquor.

Dean got up and got some glasses, knowing Cas wouldn't partake and would disapprove of Anna drinking, but Anna still would. Anna was the older twin by twelve minutes, and she'd constantly remind him of that if he tried to influence how she acted.

Dean sat the three glasses down, taking the bottle from Balthazar and pouring some in for the three. Dean spent a good portion of his time with these two, as Balthazar was Dean's age. The only reason Dean knew Cas so well was because Cas skipped a grade when he was young. Anna stayed in the same grade, though she could've skipped if she had wanted to, so now she took courses that Dean, Castiel, and Balthazar were in. The three were pretty much his only friends, despite his popularity. Anna also seemed to be the only girl his own age unaffected by his charms half the time, which he was thankful for.

But, as a result of their close friendship, he knew quite a bit of their family drama, and Dean felt like drinking on behalf of Chuck, Castiel's dad. As a brain surgeon, Chuck spends most of his nights away at the hospital for emergency surgeries, but he definitely tries with his children. He isn't like John, wanting to be away most of the time. Chuck is trying to make a living to provide for the five children still under his care, helping to fund two of them going to college and the other three to go in a year or two.

John wanted to get away from them. Chuck _had_ to be away.

And of course no one talked about it, but all three of the youngest siblings knew that Chuck was sending money to his other two children. Chuck hid it well from Raphael and Michael though, both having condemned the second and fourth oldest children. Of course, no one talked about the two college funds, full of money and still receiving money from Chuck. Raphael probably would have blown through the cash already if he knew about it.

Soon, all three were drinking, Anna soon on her second, while Balthazar nursed his first, and Dean downed his first and thought about getting a second glass of the stuff. All the while, Cas gave disapproving looks to all three.

"You know... Sometimes I hate Gabe," Anna said, her words slightly slurred.

"Why Gabe?" Balthazar asked, brow furrowed. He sounded not like he was asking why she hated their brother, but more why that specific one. Like he'd pick a different one to hate.

"Well, Lucifer didn't run away. He was kicked out, more or less. I understand why he ran and didn't look back. But Gabe? Gabe _chose_ to leave us alone with the self-righteous and annoying assholes that are our older _brothers,_ " Anna slurred, spitting the words out like she was spitting acid. All the hate and anger and betrayal had built up inside of her, and she was just letting it all out.

Of course, everyone knew Lucifer wasn't really _kicked out_. He was chased out by his oldest brother, ridiculed and taunted. Castiel never gave him the full story, never explained the whole situation to him. Dean was allowed to comfort him, to hold him and tell him it would all be okay, but he couldn't ask questions. Questions had just made him cry harder, to fight Dean's hold. Cas never answered, and Dean didn't want him to if he would just be _okay_ again.

"Well, I would've left too. You know Gabe was the closest to Luci. He even gave him the nickname!" Balthazar replied, waving his hand around wildly. Dean just sat, listening. Cas looked like he wanted to shut his siblings up.

"It wasn't fair. He left us alone. He didn't stick around, comfort us, tell us that we'd all be okay again. All he did was _walk away_." Anna spit the words like they were aimed at Gabriel, like if she said them with all her anger and pain, that somehow the words would hit Gabriel right in the face.

Dean couldn't say he felt any different about Gabriel than Anna. Gabe had run off, hurting the people closest to a Dean. Dean had barely ever talked to Gabriel, but Castiel had cried to Dean for hours when it'd been discovered that he'd left.

Dean never mentioned it, but he could hear Sammy crying about it sometimes at night. Sammy, when he'd been told, had gone to his room and screamed and cried for hours. There'd been three holes in Sam's bedroom wall and a few broken glasses. Dean never mentioned it, and neither did Sam. They just cleaned up the mess and moved on.

Gabriel running away had been three years ago. Sam was just in sixth grade. Dean, Cas, and Balthazar had been sophomores. Anna was a freshman. Gabe had only been a junior. Raphael was a senior. Michael was going to be a senior in college. Lucifer would've been a junior in college, if he'd stayed.

Of course, Lucifer had run away three years before Gabe. He hadn't been accepted to any college yet, and maybe that had been one of the reasons he'd run off. Gabriel had been a freshman, and Dean, Cas, and Balthazar had been going into eighth grade. Cas had cried then, too, and hadn't explained then either.

Dean hadn't dared to ask since.

"Everything was just so _bad,_ Anna. He'd thought we were going to be okay." Balthazar was on his second, drinking it in big gulps, while Anna was working on her third and very tipsy. Dean had decided that he wanted to feel numb, if only a little, and had poured himself a second and was drinking with abandon.

"Who are we going to lose next? It's about that time of year. Three years. Who's it gonna be? You? Me? Or Cassie? Who knows, maybe Dad'll finally run out on us like he'd been trying to do for years!" Anna slammed her drink down, fuming now.

"That isn't fair, Anna. Dad is just trying to provide for us," Castiel said darkly, a stern warning to his sister. Castiel believed in their dad the most, the others having given up on him a long time ago.

Anna seemed to lose all her fight then, slumping into Dean's couch as if all the air had been let out of her.

Maybe it had.


	3. Chapter 3

There was a good reason Castiel hung out with Dean so much- he hated coming home.

After stuffing Balthazar and Anna back in their car, he clambered into the driver's seat and drove them home as the responsible sibling. He hadn't really gotten much studying done, but after his older siblings' drunken conversation and Anna's outburst, he felt it was best to take the bottle and get them home. Bobby would've been at the house soon to start dinner, and he didn't want the older man seeing his siblings like this.

After carrying Anna in and putting her in bed, he helped Balthazar stumble in and laid him on the couch. Their father was in the seat nearby, clad in his grey, striped bathrobe, drinking some unknown liquor from a bourbon glass.

"I wish they wouldn't drink," Chuck mumbled, barely audible above his two sons' screaming match upstairs. Chuck tried to ignore the fact they were talking about him, but it was difficult when they screamed it so that the neighbors could hear. In such a nice neighborhood, they were the family that everyone wondered how they got in.

The money as a surgeon is great like that.

"Say something to them about it. They'll listen," Castiel implored, desperate to get that caring father he once had back. Unfortunately, he hadn't seen that man in years. Barely ever met him, really.

"I can't exactly do that when I'm no better. Besides, they'd never listen to me. Only you and Michael really listen," their father slurred, taking a big gulp of his drink.

It was very much debated among the three youngest siblings why their father drank. They couldn't quite remember which came first- Lucifer leaving or the drinking progressing. He'd always drank; Balthazar believed that he does it just to relax. Anna thought he did it so he could ignore them better.

Castiel believed it was to forget. Now, forget _what_ , Castiel wasn't sure. It could be just the surgeries, the ones he lost on the table, or what- who- he missed most. Their mother.

Castiel and Anna had barely known her, too. She'd died when they were so young... Only six. Castiel had already skipped a grade, and she'd been so _proud_. She'd grinned and would tell anyone who'd listen, and Castiel would blush and try to get his mom to not talk about it.

Now, he wished he'd let her tell everyone if it would've made her smile more.

Castiel couldn't remember when the drinking started. He'd only been six. He was just starting second grade, having skipped kindergarten to go into first grade. Balthazar could describe in detail how, when the light hit her hair just right, it looked like there was a fire atop her head, or that when you looked into her blue eyes, you could get lost in the sensation of staring into those ocean blue eyes; almost like you could feel the waves hitting you legs, pulling you further and further in.

He'd only been seven, but he'd committed it all to memory. He'd known what they'd lost, unlike Cas and Anna. He'd known that he _had_ to remember everything he could think of about her and put it all somewhere safe in his mind. He knew what everything around him meant, while Cas and Anna had just cried and asked when she would be coming back.

They hadn't understood why their big, strong father was crying, or why Raphael glared at Lucifer so hatefully or why Lucifer was crying over the big box for an hour because _wasn't Mommy coming back? She wouldn't leave them._ The six-year-olds didn't understand Michael's disappointed look, or why Gabriel looked as if the world was ending, or why Balthazar held their hands so tightly on the car ride to the church, and why they'd had to dress up.

They hadn't understood any of it, couldn't comprehend it if someone had tried to explain that _no, in fact, Mommy is never coming back to you_. When someone had uttered those words to them, the six-year-olds had instantly begun wailing, clutching their father and begging him to call her, that they'd be good and would try their best in school and would clean up their rooms if only she would come back to them.

Chuck had had to console them for what felt like hours, telling them that they were good children and that Mommy hadn't left because of them. He'd glared at the woman, who looked guilty, and had ushered them away. But still, the twins hadn't understood.

So, Anna and Cas waited for weeks, waiting for her to come home. They knew they shouldn't, so they had only told each other of their secret vigils, staying up as long as their tired bodies allowed before passing out at their window. Their dad never asked.

Castiel couldn't argue with his father on his siblings not listening, though. Anna and Balthazar probably wouldn't listen. Anna was too resentful, and Balthazar loved a bit of rebellion.

"He's done more for us than you'll ever know!" Castiel heard Michael scream from upstairs.

"He's a hopeless drunk! He's about as useful as a cat! Oh, I'm sorry, the cat would actually be there for us more than he is!" Raphael screamed in reply, and then Castiel heard a lot of crashes and bangs.

Castiel went into the kitchen and got his father a glass of water. He brought it out to his father, who was already rubbing his head as the onset of a headache hit him. His father thanked him in a small voice, taking the glass, and Castiel set about making dinner as the fight raged on above him, his twin passed out in her room, Balthazar partially dozing on the couch- he'd guzzled almost half the bottle while Castiel had gotten Anna in the car- and his father nursed the water and his drink.

Sometime during the process of making dinner, Michael and Raphael literally rolled down the stairs, still wrestling. Michael retained the upper hand- which he always had in these fights- and rubbed Raphael's nose into the carpet.

These are the times that reminded Castiel why he never requested a cat for his birthday.

When dinner was done, he woke up Balthazar and Anna, helping the latter to the table, and their dad stumbled to the table on his own. Michael finally released Raphael after the third oldest tapped out, and the group ate in silence.

You'd think the two wouldn't have the energy to wrestle like they did every night, or that maybe Raphael wouldn't pick a fight he knew he'd lose, but it happened every night when they came home. They'd argue until it escalated to screaming and then to physical violence.

Castiel helped Anna up to her room and fell asleep as soon as his head it the pillow.


	4. Chapter 4

"How's the headaches?" Dean murmured, careful to keep his voice down. If he didn't, they'd surely yell in his ears the next time he got a hangover.

"Horrible." Anna groaned, always the lightweight.

"Manageable," Balthazar muttered, rubbing his temples.

Castiel rolled his eyes at his siblings, nose buried in a book. Of course his siblings had tagged along to come to _his_ best friend's house! Then again, he understood why. Their father was home- his one day off this week- and was likely getting drunk while Raphael was home. Michael was at work. So, no wrestling match, but more yelling and screaming and whining than was ever imaginable, all from the third oldest.

All the while, Chuck would get blindingly drunk- but, if they happened to call him in for an emergency surgery (he was the best neurosurgeon in the area, after all) he would somehow, miraculously, get sober quickly and be able to operate. It's amazing how functional of a drunk their father really was.

Dean quietly got up and strode from the room, returning with some migraine medicine. Anna quickly took four, drowning it down with a glass of water.

She didn't even look to see what the healthy dose was.

Balthazar took two, thankful for the reprieve from the pounding in his head, even if it just became manageable.

Dean had been lucky last night, Bobby not noticing the alcohol on his breath. If he had, at least, Bobby hadn't mentioned it for once. Bobby usually could tell when Dean drank, and was quick to chastise him for such behavior. Not because he didn't drink- no, Bobby drank beer casually in place of water- but because Dean was underage and it could be dangerous.

Of course, Dean didn't normally listen. He loved Bobby, but Bobby was a worrier.

"So, where's the major party you're hitting up tonight?" Dean asked curiously, looking to Balthazar. Somehow, Balthazar always knew where there would be parties and how to get into them. Being friends with Balthazar was like being friends with a celebrity- there was always a party to go to.

"Across town, some college students just came home from college and are throwing a killer party- alcohol and everything, drugs if you talk to the right people- while their parents are away. It's going to be the greatest thing in this town since I don't know when. Nothing like high school parties- no, that's amateur hour to these guys. Party starts as soon as the sun goes down and lasts until the sun comes up. You in?" Balthazar asked, already giddy with the excitement of going to a party.

"Count me in, man," Dean said, knowing Bobby wouldn't be here tonight. Saturday nights he spent at his own home, trusting the two boys not to get themselves killed. He also, for whatever reason, trusted Dean not to do anything _too_ illegal when he left him alone on the best night of the week to party.

"I'll go," Anna mumbled, even though she really had no choice. The siblings couldn't very well leave Balthazar alone to get drunk- that's a horrible idea- and they couldn't tell their oldest siblings, and Castiel wouldn't be caught dead at a party like Balthazar was talking about; he could barely handle high school parties.

Balthazar, if left alone, was sure to go home with someone. Male or female, it really didn't matter to him. For all any of them knew, he could go home with a man _and_ a woman. He was so talented at seduction that he could seduce a monogamous couple into his bed- he'd once done it. He'd almost seduced Dean a couple of times, too. Even with Anna's supervision, Balthazar could still end up going home with someone. He was a talented escape artist as well.

"I'll come, too," Castiel added, much to everyone's shock. Dean dropped his controller, right in the middle of some gory, bloody war game. Anna choked on the water she'd been sipping, sputtering and spitting it on the table and herself. Balthazar nearly dropped his glass, staring at his youngest sibling with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"Cas, are you possessed?" Dean asked carefully, his nose wrinkling as Anna struggled to clean up her mess.

"What? No! Can't a guy go and enjoy a party?" Castiel replied defensively, annoyance clear in his tone as he looked up from his book.

"You? Not really, no," Balthazar answered amusedly.

"Screw you," Castiel replied hotly, breathing through his nose to calm himself down as his blood simmered.

"Cas, your sitting at your friend's house on Saturday with a textbook in your lap, studying. That doesn't exactly scream 'guy looking for some fun,'" Anna said gently, choosing her words carefully so she wouldn't offend him much more.

"I have a big test on Monday!" Castiel defended.

"Again- not a guy looking for fun." Dean chuckled.

"I'm going tonight, and that's final," Castiel growled, his voice deep and gravely, a shiver racing down Dean's spine like lightning.

Yeah, Dean really needed to get laid.

Maybe he could score with the girls Balthazar rebuffed. They'd need a shoulder to cry on. Or just an alternative bed to have a romp in.

"Just... Stay close to me, okay, little brother? They can be a rowdy crowd..." Anna said, her voice soft and full of concern and very apprehensive. Castiel's eyes softened on his red-haired twin, nodding his acceptance to ease her mind.

"Winchester, you better have some good games to play!" Charlie, Dean's red-haired, fiery best girl friend yelled, walking into the house. She most likely would've slammed the door behind her, but since Ash, Jo, Bela, and Benny were following her, Benny quietly shut the door behind all five of them.

The two suffering from a hangover winced at Charlie's volume, and she had the decency to look apologetic as she flopped onto the couch next to Dean. He quickly started a new game to play with her, eager for a teammate who knew what they were doing. Jo and Bela sat with Anna on the couch, Bela crossing her legs in a very lady-like manner while Jo, in her jeans and plaid shirt, sat with her knees spread out and her elbows on her knees.

Never let Jo's beauty trick you- she was the rowdiest and loudest and toughest one of them.

Never let Bela's appearance and lady-like tendencies trick you, either. She's one of the scariest when crossed.

Benny and Ash sat with Balthazar on the floor, nodding their heads in greetings. Castiel was on the other side of Dean, the only other seat in the room, leaving the three to the floor. They didn't mind, though, the carpeted floor being quite comfortable.

"Party tonight?" Bela asked with a raised brow, hiding her hopefulness easily behind an arrogant smirk.

"Yep, across town. College party. The works," Balthazar said simply, and Bela full-on grinned.

"I am _so_ coming," Bela practically purred, imagining herself grinding on some hottie on the make-shift dance floor. Plus, she needed a drink after failing her latest math test.

"Count me in!" Charlie said excitedly, and Jo seconded her statement less enthusiastically.

"I gotta go then. Someone's gotta look after her," Ash said with a silly grin, pointing his thump over his shoulder to Jo. Jo laughed and punched his shoulder, knowing she could take him and the majority of this room in a fight. Ash whined in pain, rubbing his shoulder and fake-pouting.

"I guess I'll go," Benny agreed weakly, not really keen on such a crowded area. "Are you going, Dean?" Bela asked curiously, hoping secretly he would attend. Maybe they could have another round or two? He'd been so fun the first few times.

"Yeah. Sammy's going to Kevin's house with Barry and Andy, so I don't have to worry about him," Dean said, eyes focused on the TV screen as his thumbs moved effortlessly across the controller.

It was going to be a fun night for the group.


	5. Chapter 5

The gang carpooled to get to the party, Dean riding with the three siblings in their car in case some rowdy college kid did something to his Baby. Ash and Jo picked up Bela, Charlie, and Benny, following the Shurley car to the party.

When they got to the party, Balthazar instantly found the bar and began hitting on people, quickly gaining a following of helplessly wooed, lovesick, mostly drunk puppies. Ash also went to the coolers, getting a beer as he watched Jo travel the crowd with Charlie and Bela.

Ash had only been half-joking when he said he had to watch over Jo. After being adopted by Ellen, Jo's mother, he'd sworn to himself that he'd watch over his newly adoptive sister, and he wouldn't break that promise.

Bela, Charlie, and Jo were traveling the crowd, Jo casually flirting with some guys while Charlie flirted with any girls that seemed interested and Bela flirted with anyone that had a pulse and walked on two legs. Not to mention that Bela had already somehow gained a fruity alcoholic drink, seducing both genders easily in her tight, small black dress that hugged all the right places perfectly. Jo was drinking a beer, and Charlie was staying perfectly sober.

Dean was drinking a beer he'd received from Benny, who'd gone to the bar with Ash, and dancing with girls horribly. He had no sense of rhythm, almost stepping on some nice girl's toes, and basically just ended up letting girls dance on him. That seemed less dangerous for them.

Castiel was against the wall, obediently staying at Anna side as she'd asked, his eyes tracking Dean's movements instead of Balthazar's, who Anna was tracking like a hawk. A few guys tried to talk to Anna, but she shooed even the most persistent ones away. Some continued coming back, though, and Castiel thought he might rip them limb from limb if they got too handsy, which they were dangerous close to doing as one of her suitors trailed his hand up her arm, which she jerked away from quickly.

"If you don't back off, I will slit your throat," Anna hissed under her breath, gripping the hand he'd tried to place on her breasts. This was the fourth time she'd had to fend this one off, and Castiel especially wanted to rip his internal organs out of his body; he spent too much time with Dean.

The guy's eyes widened at her deadly tone, scampering off when Anna released his wrist. She smirked, amused at how frightened she'd made him. Castiel smiled proudly at his twin sister.

Castiel's eyes quickly wandered to the dance floor, finding Dean with ease, who was intensely making out with some blonde, his hands running through her hair, her body flushed to his, his mouth consuming hers in a ravenous kiss that had Castiel's blood boiling as he wanted to storm over their and rip them away from each other.

His angry haze was broken by Anna grabbing his wrist and dragging him closer to Dean, making him shocked and confused and worried. Until he saw Balthazar shoving his tongue down some guy's throat. _Oh_. That's where they were going. Not to Dean, but to stop Balthazar from doing something stupid like always.

After Anna quickly broke up the kissing fest, Cas all the while staring at Dean and the blonde, Anna noticed where Cas was looking. "You want me to break them up?" Anna asked sympathetically, all serious.

"What? No, why would I want that?" Cas asked, shocked and confused. Dean wasn't his property. Dean could kiss whoever he wanted. Castiel had no say in such matters. It wasn't like Castiel was in love with him, either! No, Cas was just...worried about losing his friend to this random girl.

"You're hopeless," Anna sighed, walking away and tugging Castiel along. Away from Dean.

And didn't that just break Cas's heart?

The two took up residence once more against the wall, watching their respective charges with Ash, who soon joined them. They caught a glimpse of Bela stumbling up the stairs, tugging along some handsome guy who was eagerly following. She caught Castiel's gaze and sent him a wink before disappearing from view.

Benny soon joined them, reporting that Charlie was talking with some girl in the corner, and probably would be for the rest of the night. None of them went to join the party, Ash watching Jo talk to guys while Anna watched Balthazar for signs of idiocy, and Castiel watched Dean flitter through girls that looked completely different from each other.

What Castiel didn't notice was that they all had blue eyes.

Before too long, Bela was already back downstairs, flirting it up again with new guys. The only thing that gave away where'd she'd been was her slightly messier hair. Even her lipstick had been fixed, not a smudge in sight. Bela also got herself a refill of her strawberry margarita, enjoying the salt off the glass mixing with the sweet taste.

Whenever a guy began getting a bit too forward with Jo, Ash would move away from the wall, ready to go and help her, before Jo would scare the guy off somehow. Then, he'd settle himself against the wall once more, content for the time being. Jo was like a baby sister to him, and he wanted to protect her, but he knew she could handle herself and wouldn't like someone defending her as if she were helpless. But, if she couldn't handle a situation, Ash wasn't afraid to step in and take a beating for her.

Soon, Bela lost her amusement with the crowd and wanted to go home. Charlie scored the girl's number and was ready to go, and Jo had been pissed off by one too many guys. Ash and Benny took the three home, and Anna and Cas went to go collect their wayward charges. Balthazar was easy to wrangle, too drunk to fight off his overbearing sister's orders as she dragged him to the car, leaving Dean to Cas.

Cas found Dean shoving his tongue down some brunette's throat, his fourth so far tonight. He almost growled at the girl.

Cas gripped Dean's shoulder tight, ripping him away from the girl.

"Sorry, but he's drunk and has to go home," Cas said, barely sparing a glance for the blue-eyed, brown-haired girl. He was too focused on Dean. The girl squeaked and scurried away, similar to a scared mouse, and Castiel dragged Dean through the party and out the door. Once the cold night air hit him, Castiel shivered, still gripping Dean's wrist.

Dean stopped suddenly, Castiel jerking to a stop as he almost fell. He looked back at Dean, who was staring at him far too intently. "You have such pretty eyes," Dean mused, a finger coasting over Cas's sharp cheek bones. Castiel resisted a blush, rolling his eyes and dragging the older boy along.

_This is so unfair._


	6. Chapter 6

"When will you come home?" Sam murmured into the phone, his voice cracking in despair. He'd asked the same question for three long years, and it had always been the same answer.

"Not yet, Sammich. My brothers are still too big of dicks," the voice replied affectionately over the phone, the sad smile almost audible in his voice. There was always a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Please, come back soon," Sammy pleaded, his voice soft in the hopes that his friends wouldn't here. He always called at this time. They hadn't broken this tradition since the older boy had left. Sam would never break it, no matter what happened, and neither would the other.

"I'll try, Samsquatch," he promised lightly, the call ending soon after. They'd already talked for an hour, Sammy locked in the bathroom of Kevin's house. Any longer, and his friends might think he was dead.

After Sam ended the call, he unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out, instantly running into his three friends that stood the hallway, staring at him. "What, did you fall in?" Barry asked, teasing him. Sam stuck his tongue out at his friend.

"Was it him?" Kevin asked, eyes concerned, staring at his friend expectantly.

"No," Sam responded too quickly, giving himself away. He mentally cursed.

"You don't have to lie to us, Sam. We know how much he meant to you," Barry said gently, reaching out to pat Sam's back. Andy looked sympathetic.

"What? That I am hopelessly infatuated with a guy, and I don't even know where he is, while he just sees me as a little kid?" Sam retorted, shoving past his friends to go to Kevin's room. He didn't need Kevin's family overhearing this horrible conversation.

"Hey, you don't know. A lot could change in three years. Gabe might be in love with you by now," Kevin said, following his friend. Sam snorted.

Gabriel Novak, the most perfect, sweetest, funniest, most handsome guy to ever exist, in love with little, scrawny, puny, nerdy, imperfect him? Sam? No way in Hell.

There was a better chance of Dean admitted how in love with Cas he is.

"And whoever said the guy thought of you as a kid? He's always been sweet on you. He used to always get you stuff, and we hardly got to spend a minute alone with you before he skipped town," Andy said, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Sam looked at him incredulously.

"No, really. Think about it. What guy keeps in contact with someone steadily for three years if they think you're just some kid? He has to care about you!" Barry was backing Kevin and Andy up.

"Quit being ridiculous, all of you," Sam ordered coldly, shutting out their words and desperately trying to snuff out the candle of hope that their words lit in his chest.

Hope was dangerous. Hope hurt more than knowing Gabriel didn't love him back. Hope was what broke your heart and shredded it to pieces. Sam refused to get his heart broken like that again due to his stupid instance on hoping for his feelings to be reciprocated. It was easier to assume the worst.

His three friends sighed, the boys going to play some game together. They mindlessly played for hours until Mrs. Tran told them that it was lights out. Then they stayed up for hours more, talking in the dark. It was easy to lose track of time, the boys soon realizing it was one o'clock in the morning, and they weren't even close to sleeping.

"Barry, truth or dare?" Andy asked eagerly.

"Dare," Barry murmured after a moment of thought, feeling more daring than he'd ever felt in his life.

"Sneak down the stairs and jump on Kevin's trampoline for five minutes," Andy said, and Barry's eyes widened. Kevin looked mortified. It was widely known that Kevin's parents were the lightest sleepers on earth, and if Barry woke them up, there would be hell to pay. Big time.

When Barry began his trek down the stairs, Sam, Andy, and Kevin instantly began cowering under the covers or a blanket, pretending (terribly) to be asleep. Once Barry was down stairs, as instructed, Barry pathetically threw a rock up to hit Kevin's window. Kevin, Andy, and Sam instantly opened his window, looking down at their nerdiest friend and grinned.

Once Barry began bouncing, Sam watched the clock, giving time signals to his friend while Andy desperately tried not to laugh. Once the five minutes was up, Barry went back inside, the boys rushing to close the window and resume cowering, pretending to sleep. When Barry was back in the room, he commenced muttering about how much he hated them all.

The friends grinned, coming out from under their hiding places. "You love us," Andy replied, his eyes twinkling with mirth. Barry glared at him before chuckling just a bit. Kevin still looked like Satan himself might come and get him in the form of his ferocious mother.

"Sam, truth or dare?" Barry asked, turning to his tough friend.

"Truth," Sammy replied, not trusting his friends to go easy on him with the dares. Not after the last dare he'd given Kevin. Kevin still was scarred by it.

Kevin grinned and leaned over to Barry, who sat next to him on the bed, whispering something in his ear. Barry's face flamed, and Sam paled. Andy leaned over to hear and instantly muffled his laughter with his hand. This wasn't good.

"Uh, Sam, have you ever... masturbated to Gabe?" Barry asked, stumbling through the sentence awkwardly. Kevin was smirking triumphantly, and Sam couldn't help but glare at his darker-skinned friend. _Bastard_.

"Yes," Sammy mumbled in answer, his face flaming a horrible shade of red in embarrassment. Kevin howled with laughter, only muffled by his pillow, and Barry looked even more mortified than Sam. Andy was giggling like some school girl, then patted Sam's back with tears from laughing still in his eyes.

Maybe he should've picked dare.

"Kevin, truth or dare?" Sammy's voice sounded almost angry at his friend. Kevin finally calmed his laughter enough to answer.

"Dare," Kevin answered, whipping some tears from his eyes.

"Go downstairs, grab the mustard, bring it up here, and eat mustard. Just mustard," Sammy growled, smirking in triumph himself at getting revenge.

Kevin made a puking sound. "You know I hate mustard," Kevin pleaded.

"I don't care. Go," Sam replied, still smirking. No one messed with Sam Winchester.

Kevin trudged downstairs- quietly- and returned a moment later with the mustard. He put some in his hand, at Sam's direction, and Sam watched him eat it with satisfaction. Kevin nearly puked into his own trash can at the taste, but Sam didn't feel that bad. There might have been a smidgen of guilt, though.

"Alright, Sam, truth or dare?" Kevin said, skipping right over Barry and Andy- who both didn't mind _at all_ \- and going straight to get his revenge.

"Dare," Sam answered cockily, knowing Kevin couldn't do anything _that bad_ to him. Nothing like the mustard.

Kevin grinned evilly, and Sam wondered just how wrong he was.

"Call Gabriel and confess your feelings for him," Kevin said, and Sam's heart stopped.

 _Oh no_.


	7. Chapter 7

The phone was ringing.

The phone was ringing and Sam was pretty sure he'd die as soon as Gabe answered.

Kevin was laughing evilly, and Andy looked like he was somewhere between enjoying this and feeling sympathetic. Barry looked like he wanted to stop this horrible train-wreck. But the wheels were already in motion and the train was about to be derailed horribly.

Sam might just kill Kevin after this- if he wasn't dead already, that is.

"Hello? Sam, do you know what time it is?" Gabriel's voice, thick with sleep and sounding raspy, came over the cellphone, and Sam tried to focus on not being aroused with his friends right next to him.

Sam didn't think this could possibly get any worse.

"Uh, yeah, I know what time it is. Sorry," Sam apologized, completely embarrassed as he saw the clock read two o'clock in the morning. God, he couldn't believe he was waking Gabe up to confess his feelings. He could kill Kevin right now.

"Is everything alright?" Gabriel's voice instantly became alert, concern dripping in his tone, and Sam's heart fluttered in his chest.

"No, no, everything is fine. I just wanted to talk," Sam whispered, sounding breathless as he talked to the boy who'd stolen his heart so long ago.

"Okay, Sammich. What do ya wanna talk about?" Gabe chuckled, and Sam heard how amused he was. Wow, Gabe wasn't making this any easier on Sam. But why would he? It wasn't like he knew what was going to happen.

"I like you. A lot. As in, more than a friend," Sam confessed in a rush. Silence greeted him on the other end of the phone, and Sam felt tears burn his eyes. Barry still looked sympathetic, Andy definitely looked sympathetic, and Kevin was beginning to look guilty. Good. He just ruined Sam's life, so he should feel very guilty.

"I kinda already knew that, Samsquatch." Gabe chuckled again, and Sam could feel himself deflate. If he already knew Sam liked him, and he felt the same way, he would have said something. Hinted that he felt the same.

"And you don't like me," Sam stated, his heart feeling as if it had shattered into a million tiny pieces like a mirror. He couldn't breathe properly. His chest ached and his throat constricted all at once. He wondered if this was what dying felt like. Andy looked murderous now, and Sam thought he might rip the phone from his hand to yell at Gabe. In fact, all of Sam's friends did. But he couldn't focus on that- or anything but Gabe and how his heart was breaking, really- right now.

"It's not that I don't like you, Sam... You're just too young for me right now," Gabriel said gently, and it was like he'd pushed air back into his lungs and lifted off the pressure on his chest so his organs could work again. Sammy's face came alive with a smile, showing off dimples.

He'd said 'right now'. That meant that soon, Sam wouldn't be too young for him.

"How old do I have to be?" Sam was serious, desperate to know how much longer his wait would be for the golden-eyed beauty. Sam would wait an eternity if he had to, but he hoped it wouldn't be that long.

"You'll have to be eighteen," Gabriel said, biting his lip nervously. He couldn't believe he was doing this. Gabriel couldn't hate himself more right now. He was stealing any future Sam may have with someone else by giving him hope. Sam didn't even know what he wanted yet. He was just a little kid with a crush. He probably would start dating Gabe, only to realize that Gabe was the exact opposite of what he wanted.

And Gabriel would be left with a broken heart.

But he heard how sad Sam was, and he never wanted a frown to be on the boy's sweet face. He wanted him always smiling, always happy. He couldn't let Sam be sad for even a moment, especially if he was the cause. So, he told him what would make him happy- what was completely true but so wrong to tell him.

"I can wait," Sam said, grinning, and Gabriel hated himself. He was ruining the kid's life. Sam should be breaking girls' and boys' hearts and finding someone he could maybe spend his life with, living young and wild, not waiting for him to turn eighteen so that Gabriel wouldn't feel like he was breaking a law by seeing the boy in a romantic way. Sam shouldn't have to waste the best years of his life on Gabriel.

"Okay, Sam," Gabriel said softly, affectionately. He should be more remorseful, but he couldn't help but selfishly want Sam Winchester all to himself. Sam was just too perfect to let go.

The boys' ended the call soon after, Kevin looking oddly proud of himself now that Sam's mood had lifted. Barry was shaking his head at both of them, clearly exasperated. Andy was smiling, a congratulations on his lips.

Soon, all four went to bed, knowing they'd be woken up at about seven o'clock in the morning for breakfast.

Gabriel laid in his crappy motel room for hours that night, not getting any more sleep after Sam's call. His mind kept running over what happened, of what could happen, and all the possibilities of the future. He could remember the night before he left like it was yesterday. He'd been planning it for weeks, had missed several wonderful opportunities for his escape, but something- someone- held me back. That snot-nosed brat, Dean's little brother.

He'd always been able to see how infatuated Sam was with him, and he'd found it cute, so he'd let it go on. But, when he'd gone to leave, he couldn't imagine doing that to Sam. Hurting him like that. He'd written all sorts of notes for his family- Dad would receive one, telling him how sorry he was for running off and worrying him.

Michael and Raphael got equally hateful letters about how they had driven him to running away, how they'd wrecked this family. Balthazar got a note telling him to take care of Cas and Anna and a detailed list of reasons why he was leaving that he couldn't tell anyone. Anna and Cas got letters apologizing profusely for leaving, but stating how he couldn't stay one minute longer.

But Sam couldn't just get a letter, could he? Of course he'd written one, but would it be enough? Gabriel left the note with Balthazar's, instructing him to give it to the youngest Winchester at the soonest possible convenience, but not to show Dean. Knowing Dean, he'd burn it. Then, Gabriel sneakily got Sam's number from Cas's phone and saved it in his, promising himself to call Sam whenever possible.

It had been three weeks. Three long, grueling weeks before he could dare make the call. Sam had been so confused and broken answering the phone, not recognizing the number. Gabriel, at first, had been so damn happy to hear that sweet voice. Before reprimanding Sam for answering a strange number. And Sam had yelled at him, refusing to forgive him for a while. But after profuse begging, Sam did forgive him.

Three years later, and they'd never missed a day to call each other.

He imagined the boy he'd left behind now, three years later, and how different he must look.

It was odd to say the least.

Had he gotten taller? Last he knew, Sammy was about at Dean's chest. Had he grown? He'd been short compared to Gabriel- a rare thing in Gabriel's life, considering how short he was- when Gabe had left, but perhaps Sam had hit a major growth spurt? He'd only called Sam Samsquatch because he'd wanted Sam to feel better about how short he was, but maybe that had changed.

Gabriel wanted to know so badly, but he refused to ask Sam, and he hadn't had contact with any of his brothers or sister in years. Sometimes he could barely remember their faces...

But he always remembered the fights. The brawls. The screamed words. The thrown fists. The harsh words. The look of betrayal on Lucifer's face... His father's broken form, his younger siblings' heartbreak.

It hadn't been fair! It wasn't Lucifer's fault how he was! Why couldn't their dad have been just a bit stronger? Stood up to his oldest and third oldest sons to protect Lucifer? To protect their crumbling family?

Gabriel had to remind himself again that it wasn't his father's fault. He hadn't even been home at the time. But it still stung. It still hurt how absent their dad had been, even if it was so he could feed them and pay for their colleges.

Gabe's life just wasn't fair.


	8. Chapter 8

"Kill me." Dean groaned when he woke up with a killer migraine and felt like death.

"I won't do that." A serious, raspy voice filled the room, startling Dean.

"Dammit, Cas!" Dean shouted, clutching his heart as he shot up in bed.

"Sorry. I woke up early, and I didn't want you to be up for too long in pain, soldier boy," Cas said softly, his voice tender as he handed over the headache medicine to Dean with a glass of water. Soldier boy was Cas's nickname for Dean; Dean wanted to be in the military like his dad, and sometimes he acted like a soldier. Cas called him that when they were younger, and it just stuck.

"Did you stay the night?" Dean asked after taking a drink of the glass and downing the pills. Cas nodded. Cas turned around and exited the room, and Dean sighed. He needed to get dressed. He had pick Sam up by eight in the morning, and Bobby would soon be here. If he didn't at least look somewhat alive, Bobby might question what he'd been doing the night before.

Dean quickly took a shower and used the toilet, brushing his teeth before traveling downstairs. Castiel sat on the couch, once again studying, but a plate with a heaping pile of eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, and hash browns sat at the table, beckoning Dean forward.

Dean sat at the table, a glass of water and a fork next to the plate in front of him. Dean dug in, savoring the wonderful tastes in his mouth. Cas was a god at cooking when he did cook, and Dean couldn't wait for the next masterpiece he'd create. But, for now, Dean stuffed his face with this masterpiece.

When he was done, he cleaned his face and grabbed his keys. "Come on, Cas, I'll drop you off on the way," Dean said, putting on his leather jacket. Castiel packed up his backpack, putting on his trenchcoat before slinging his backpack over his shoulder. Cas followed Dean out the door, getting into the passenger's seat while Dean climbed into his Baby.

Dean drove Cas home, dropping him off at the end of his driveway that currently had three cars in it. Castiel held in a groan. Michael and Raphael were home, and both wouldn't be pleased with Balthazar's hangover. Thankfully, Anna hadn't drank last night.

Dean watched Cas walk up his sidewalk until he reached the door, going inside his home before Dean peeled away from the side of the road. Dean began driving to Kevin's house, remembering the way easily. He parked in the driveway, walking to the door of the home. It was fifteen minutes until eight, and the boys probably were just finished up a good breakfast.

Dean rang the doorbell, Kevin answering the door a moment later. "Sam, your brother is here!" Kevin called, moving away from the door so Dean could enter. Dean went in, standing in the entryway as he waited.

Sam came trotting down the stairs, bag in hand, looking like death itself. He had bags under his eyes, and Dean knew Sam hadn't slept much last night. He smiled amusedly. Sam would crash again as soon as they got home.

Sam lumbered out of the door, and Deam followed suit, thanking Mrs. Tran on the way out. Sam threw his bag in the backseat, curling up in the front seat and closing his eyes. Dean quietly got into the driver's seat. He started the car, Baby purring to life under his skilled hands.

Dean drove the two home, Sam falling asleep on the way. Little snores emitted from his baby brother's throat, and Dean smiled in adoration. After parking Baby in the driveway, he clambered out and went to Sammy's side, lifting him out of the Impala in his arms. He carried Sammy into the house and to his room, tucking him into bed like he used to when they were younger.

Dean brought in Sammy's bag after shutting his door and turning off the light, placing it outside his door for later. Dean then went to his own room, quickly doing his homework- easy stuff like trigonometry and anatomy. After that, he started picking up the house a bit and doing laundry. During his second load of laundry, Bobby showed up to help with anything.

Bobby and Dean tinkered with Baby a bit, her engine making a weird rattling noise. Hours came and went, Sam waking up some time after noon. Bobby made them all club sandwiches, complete with lettuce and tomato, and a side of chips. Sam did his homework, talking with Barry, Andy, Jess, Lily, Jake, and Kevin about it for hours so they could all check their answers. Andy would tell Ansem, and Kate wasn't in the same class.

When dinner rolled around, Bobby had made a delicious casserole and some garlic bread. The make-shift, hodgepodge family ate dinner quietly, Bobby talking shop with the boys. Bobby would tell them a problem with a car, and they'd guess at what the problem could mean and how to fix it.

It was easy for them to talk to each other, easier than whenever John was home and trying to talk to him. Everything always seemed so awkward and stiff, as if John expected something to jump out of the shadows and kill all of them. John also happened to think Sam was in Boy Scouts still, and no one bothered to tell him otherwise.

Dean would buy him more badges from the store, and Bobby would struggle to sew them on, sticking his finger with the needle multiple times before finishing or calling Ellen, Jo's mother, to finish it. John was never the wiser.

Ellen was also commonly found teaching Bobby recipes to cook, the man having no culinary skills. Before he'd gained two boys to raise, he'd commonly had takeout or lived off whatever the stubborn mother brought him. Ellen had always thought Bobby should take better care of himself. Sometimes Jody, the local Sheriff, would bring him something too, but she had a family to worry about.

Once dinner was over, Dean helped Bobby with the dishes while Sam went to finish his homework. After cleaning the dishes, Bobby and Dean sat on the couch, talking. A bottle of beer was in Bobby's hand, Bobby drinking it slowly.

Once the clock hit ten o'clock, Bobby had Dean go up to bed.

Bobby locked the doors, and set an alarm on his phone to wake him up so he could wake the boys. He slept on the couch that night, his sleep rough but not too bad.


	9. Chapter 9

Cas's day was much less pleasant.

He had walked into a house full of blaring music from upstairs and yelling downstairs. The blaring music had surely been Balthazar's early morning punishment, and the screaming was Michael reprimanding him. The music was Raphael's punishment for Balthazar.

Castiel walked into the entrance of the living room, Balthazar sitting on the couch and wincing constantly as Michael would scream a few words into his ears. Balthazar was rubbing his temples and had his eyes closed, probably trying to ease his headache, to no avail.

Raphael joined in a couple of times in the yelling, and Anna was surely hiding in her room upstairs. They'd probably already checked to see if she had a hangover. Castiel had walked in many-a-times to witness both of his youngest siblings sitting on that couch, getting screamed at. They'd reduced Anna to tears once from the pain, but they hadn't stopped for another two hours.

This was probably just the beginning of the yelling.

Castiel felt sympathy for his brother, wanting to bring him some pain medication and maybe some more liquor to help the hangover, but he'd tried that once. Michael had punched him, and Raphael had sat on him so he had to watch Balthazar get yelled at over and over again. Raphael had also taken some joy in hitting him while he'd pinned him.

Castiel turned away from the living room, going upstairs to see his twin. Anna was in her bed, curled up under the covers, earbuds in her ears as she blasted whatever the loudest song was on her phone in her ears. This is what she did every time the boys would start yelling. She hated how angry it all sounded, how harsh they were, and so she hid from the noise and the fighting.

She probably wouldn't leave her room for the rest of the day.

She didn't hear Castiel enter, but she didn't jump in fright when he sat next to her on the bed. He just pulled her into his arms and rubbed her back comfortingly, struggling to listen to her calm breathing instead of the fighting.

 _"One of these days you're going to drink to_ _o_ _much and get yourself killed! Or get some girl pregnant and ruin the rest of your life!"_ Michael's voice was easily heard from the floor above, but Cas hoped Anna couldn't hear him.

There was no response from Balthazar- there never was, if you didn't want a beating. One time Balthazar had talked back, said 'what if I wasn't sleeping with girls'? The beating Michael gave him made it hard for him to move around the next day, his body covered in bruises. Raphael had almost broken his arm, too. Of course, after their dad's quick examination, they'd discovered it wasn't broken, at least.

Their dad had tried to get the older brothers to stop the violent behavior, but nothing really worked. Raphael would just say something horrible about how at least they were watching out for them, and that would make Michael tackle him to defend their dad.

The endless cycle of violence would just continue from there.

Once the screaming stopped, due to the fact Michael had to go do some stuff and dragged Raphael along, Cas quickly strode downstairs, bring headache medicine and a glass of water.

"Thanks, Cas," Balthazar murmured quietly as he took the objects from his baby brother.

"Sometimes I wonder about you, Balthazar," Cas muttered, sitting on the couch next to his blonde brother. The clock read that it was noon. He should make his siblings some lunch.

"What? It's not like what I do effects them. It's not my fault our older brothers are control freaks," Balthazar defended himself, rubbing his temples more.

"No, but you know how they'll react, yet you still do it," Cas replied, leaning his elbows on his knees.

"It's better to forget and get punished for it later than to remember all the time," Balthazar said solemnly before getting up and getting some liquor out of their dad's stash.

Castiel knew what he was talking about. Their mother. Everything else Cas could remember perfectly, but even now, he'd never been able to make sense of the events leading up to their mother's death. Everyone refused to talk about it. Anna and Cas had been in the dark about it ever since it happened.

Balthazar poured himself a drink, downing it in one gulp.

Castiel sighed and began making two simple sandwiches for Balthazar and Anna, putting chips on the plate with it. He gave one to Balthazar and brought the other up to Anna, who smiled gratefully and dug in.

Castiel went to his room after that, studying more for that stupid test tomorrow. During the course of the day, Anna snuck out to go to a friend's house before anyone got home.

Chuck got home before the boys, passing out of the couch almost instantly. Balthazar called Cas down, and they carried their father to his room so he could sleep in his own bed for once. Raphael and Michael came home soon after, both deciding to play some video games. The brothers were thankful for the break from all the yelling, Balthazar going to hide in his room to avoid getting either of the brothers riled up again.

Castiel made dinner around eight and got his brothers first before going to wake up their father with headache medicine and a glass of water.

"You're a sweet boy, Castiel," Chuck whispered, taking the pills from his youngest boy. The one that looked most like his mother. Chuck's chest and throat constricted at the thought of his deceased wife, but swallowed the pills down quickly with the help of the water.

"Dad, dinner is ready if you want to eat," Castiel murmured quietly, softly.

"Thank you, but I'm not hungry. Is your sister home yet?" Chuck asked, and it amazed Castiel how in the short time their dad had been at home and conscious, he knew that Anna was gone.

"No, not yet. She went to a friend's," Cas said, biting his lip nervously.

"Well, call her to see if she's okay. See when she'll be home." Chuck laid back down and covered his eyes with his hand.

"Okay," Castiel agreed, leaving his dad's room quietly.

After a quick call to Anna, which she didn't answer, he shot her a text asking when she'd be home. She never answered, but snuck back into her room through her window around midnight, much to Michael's and Raphael's chagrin.

Castiel went to bed after he heard her return, finally relaxed enough to shut his eyes for more than a minute.


	10. Chapter 10

When Sam got to school on Monday, he raced to his and Barry's agreed meeting place, leaving Dean behind with Castiel. Cas was super anxious about his test, but they all knew he'd pass.

Barry was waiting by Sam's locker, as expected. Sam had already thought up a plan of how to become Dirk's friend. Really, it was quite simple. Be nice to him during class, get anyone they heard saying 'Dirk the jerk' to shut up, and apologize to him after class for all of the douchebags in the school. Simple, but effective.

"I really don't want to do this, Sam," Barry whined after learning the plan, already knowing he'd get beat up or thrown in a trash can for telling someone off about 'Dirk the jerk'.

"Listen, Barry, no one'll mess with you. People are scared of me and of my older brother. If someone messes with you, they're messing with me, and, by extension, my brother. No one wants that, trust me. You'll be fine," Sam reassured his friend, knowing it was true. Only girls weren't scared of the Winchester boys, and Sam highly doubted a girl would throw Barry in a trash can- though they could. Barry was pretty scrawny.

"Fine, but if I get beat up, I'm blaming you." Barry sulked, following Sam to their homeroom with Mr. Wyatt- also their English teacher.

"You can blame me, Barry," Sam agreed amusedly, knowing the kid would if he actually did get a beating. Of course, Sam would ensure he didn't. Barry was his friend, after all.

Not too far in to class, kids started making fun of Dirk. "Hey, cut it out!" Sam hissed at the kid next to him, taking the paper ball he was about to throw at Dirk.

Dirk barely noticed though, his head buried in his arms, hiding from the others. Sam wondered what his life was like at home. Barry had to deal with newly divorced parents fighting over custody and depression. What was Dirk's story? Everyone had one. Sam's and Dean's mom died when they were young and their dad spent more time away than with them. Castiel's mom died, his oldest brother chased out the second oldest, and the fourth oldest ran away. Jo's dad died halfway across the world, fighting in a war when she was only a baby. Andy and Ansem had no idea who their birth mother was. Kevin's dad died when he was young, leaving him with only a ring. Alex, Sheriff Jody Mills's adopted daughter, had no blood family left. Bobby's wife was gruesomely murdered, and no one knows who did it to this day.

What was Dirk's tragedy?

Were his parents unhappily married? Abusive parent? Dead parent? Absent parent? Horrible sibling or siblings? No parents? Was he a foster kid? The possibilities were endless, and Sam wished he could comfort the other boy.

After Sam told the kid to stop, the rest stopped too, all sending him confused looks. After class, Dirk was slow to collect his things, and Barry and Sam matched his pace. Well, Sam did. Barry quickly packed his things and waited for Sam.

"What, you gonna beat me up again, Winchester?" Dirk asked, sounding like he'd let Sam beat the snot out of him instead of putting up a fight.

"No. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for calling you 'Dirk the Jerk'. You don't deserve to be treated like how you treated Barry," Sam said, and at his last statement, Dirk flinched.

"Yeah, sorry about that, Barry," Dirk murmured, and Sam saw Dirk's eyes glisten over with tears, but he didn't mention it. Barry stared in wonder at Dirk, clearly shocked.

"Um, I'm sorry too, Dirk," Barry murmured, genuine and honest. He'd been just as mean.

"So can we all be friends?" Sam asked, sending a friendly smile to Dirk. Dirk nodded, smiling back slightly. Then his smile fell, looking to Barry with hope. Barry nodded tentatively, and Dirk smiled again.

"Boys, get to your next class," Mr. Wyatt reminded lightly, smiling. All three boys scuttled out of the class, hurrying to their next classes. Sam was proud of himself. No one should get bullied, and Sam had corrected what he'd done. He wouldn't be able to sleep very well if he'd caused Dirk to be bullied like Barry had been. It wasn't fair or right, and Sam didn't want to be the cause of someone else's depression for any reason.

At lunch, Sam invited Dirk to sit with him. Barry had been surprisingly welcoming, Andy had just welcomed him with a smile, and Ansem followed Andy's lead, smiling awkwardly. Jake gave him a fist-bump, Kate smiled sweetly at the boy, and Lily greeted him nicely. Kevin had been awkward due to the fact he was unaware of this morning's developments, the others having at least heard about it through the gossip vines. Jess didn't acknowledge Dirk much, too busy glaring at Kevin for the events at the sleepover. She'd been unable to attend, along with Kate and Lily, due to the fact they were girls, but she had heard about it not too long after from Sam, and she was pissed at Kevin for Sam. The others hadn't heard about it yet, Andy not getting to spread the amazing news yet. He wanted to do it with everyone at the table- he forgot Dean would be there. With that plan sunk, Andy was almost sad.

Dean had been downright hostile towards Dirk until Sam had told him to cut it out. Castiel had smirked behind his sandwich, covering his amusement by eating while Anna, Balthazar, and Jo had started giggling over Sam snapping at his brother in defense of the ex-bully. Charlie had smiled proudly, Ash had given Sam a fist-bump, and Benny remained quiet, staring at the table. Bela had smirked with amusement.

Sam had rolled his eyes at his brother's friends, returning Ash's fist-bump, and Dean turned his glare on his giggling friends. _At least he isn't glaring at Dirk_ , Sam thought to himself, mentally shrugging. They knew what they were getting into when they befriended Dean. Dirk was still new to this group. He didn't deserve to receive glares from his justifiably terrifying older brother.

"So, Dirk, how are you today?" Charlie asked sweetly, smiling at the freshman.

"Better than usual," Dirk answered honestly, blushing. He wasn't used to kids being nice to him. Not in a while, at least.

"How many strays will this table be taking in, anyhow?" Bela asked mock-curiously, raising an eyebrow while examining her nails. Sam glared at the attractive, older girl. She really got on Sam's nerves sometimes.

"Bela, hush. Leave the poor kid alone," Jo ordered, her voice brooking no argument with her gorgeous best friend. "What? It was a simple question. This table seems to have a hard time turning away all the lost souls," Bela defended herself innocently, battling her eyelashes at her friend, who just rolled her eyes.

"I like strays," Ash stated simply, smiling. Bela bit back a comment about how he would like them since he was one; Jo might just kill her for that kind of comment. Ash might be protective of Jo, but Jo was just as protective and twice as dangerous. It didn't matter how close the girls were- Jo loved Ash more.

"I'd adopt a stray animal," Charlie stated, grinning.

"Charlie, you'd adopt a cricket," Dean teased, and Charlie threw the bread roll from the school-provided lunch at him.

That thing hurt when it hit him soundly in the face.


	11. Chapter 11

John was scheduled to return home soon, and Sam could wait a millennium for his father's return. Sure, he didn't want him hurt, but he didn't want him to return, either.

Sure, when Dad returned home, Dean stayed home more on the weekends, thankfully, but he also became like a robot. All he did was what John told him, barely even hanging out with his friends. Only Dean waited in anticipation for the oldest Winchester's return. All of Dean's friends and even Bobby, Ellen, Jody, and Rufus- Bobby's old friend and a local police detective- hoped that John Winchester's stay at whatever base would be extended once again.

Rufus, Jody, and Ellen helped the boys out when Bobby couldn't, and used to give the boys rides over to Bobby's auto-shop when Dean couldn't drive the Impala yet. Now Dean would drive Sam, Cas, and him over to the auto-shop. Cas typically would help Sam with his homework so Sam could join in helping with the cars sooner. Castiel was usually just content to watch them fix the cars, since Cas knew basically nothing about cars.

Of course, Rufus would come in some days because some police car got banged up in a chase or had something wrong with it. Bobby would fix it for free- unless it was super expensive- and then Rufus would bring in beers for Bobby as a form of payment.

Like today, when Cas was sitting in a chair against the wall, watching Bobby and the boys fix some truck. They were working on the engine, and Dean's shirt was soaked with sweat. Sam's hair was matted to his face, dripping with sweat, and Bobby's face was beaded with perspiration.

A honk was heard, and a glance outside said that it was one of the locals with their old car. Bobby said he'd take it and had Sammy tag along, leaving Dean with the truck in front of him. Finally, after a moment, Dean peeled off his shirt, sick of the sticky material. Castiel's eyes nearly bugged out of his head, watching Dean's muscles bunch and work just under his deliciously tanned skin. It was even harder not to make a sound of appreciation as Dean's jeans hung low on his hips, showing off some of his boxers.

Castiel tried to pull his eyes away, but to no avail.

As Sam and Bobby worked on the other car, Sam kept darting his eyes back to Cas. He found it funny and sad how neither would act on their obvious feelings, but everyone could see how they felt about each other.

"When do you think they'll get together?" Sam asked curiously, looking over to his brother and his brother's best friend.

"Get back to work, boy. If it's meant to be, it'll happen," Bobby growled grumpily, and Sam chuckled and went back to helping fix the car.

Bobby might be a grumpy old cuss, but he respected other people's privacy.

Ash showed up not too long later, this being Ash's actual job outside of school. When Rufus came in with another police car having trouble, Bobby went to work on it while Ash continued helping Sam.

"Hey, Cas! Get me that tool over there," Dean said, pointing to a tool Castiel couldn't recognize, his other hand still meddling with the engine. Cas did as instructed, coming into Dean's personal space to give him the tool and watch him work.

Dean started talking about how the guy had obviously not taken care of his car at all, but Castiel didn't understand what he was saying for two reasons. One- he didn't speak car. Two- he couldn't focus on anything but listening to Dean's voice that sent shivers down Cas's spine.

Cas had known for a long time that he was attracted to his best friend. Cas wasn't gay, he just was attracted to Dean. Cas had a girlfriend at one time- a girl named Meg that had brought out his bad side. Of course, Michael had scared her off not too long into that relationship, but Castiel had cared about her. He'd been attracted to her, definitely.

Dean was the only guy Castiel had ever been attracted to, so he wasn't gay. Just... he liked Dean.

But he couldn't be with Dean. Not even for a moment. Dean was straight and Castiel's family... had issues. No, they couldn't be together, and Castiel was content with being friends. He didn't want to ruin their bond. They'd been best friends since Dean moved in, almost instantly forming a profound bond, and hadn't spent a day apart ever since. Castiel wouldn't lose his best friend.

"Cas? Wanna go for a dinner run with me?" Dean asked, straightening. Castiel, not trusting his voice, nodded. "Good. I'll see what everyone wants," Dean said, putting his shirt back on- shame- and jogging off to ask the others.

After Dean found out what everyone wanted, he climbed into Baby, Cas doing the same, and they drove to the nearby bar and grill, run by Ellen Harvelle. "What can I get for ya, boys?" Ellen asked, smiling and drinking a beer behind the bar.

"House salad with chicken and ranch for Sam, double bacon cheeseburger for me, Ash wants the same, and Bobby wants a bacon cheeseburger. Cas?" Dean said, turning to the slightly shorter, younger boy.

"Uh, bacon cheeseburger," Cas said, shuffling his feet awkwardly.

"Coming right up." Ellen smiled, going back to the kitchen. "Crowley! Order up!" Ellen shouted gruffly to the cook, Crowley, a man with a British accent who had worked for her for years.

"You know, darling, you catch more bees with honey than vinegar," Crowley growled mock-politely, and Ellen narrowed her eyes. Crowley scurried deeper into the kitchen to cook.

Dean chuckled as the middle-aged man hid from the woman who'd been like a mom to him since he had moved in. Ellen was as tough as nails but could be sweet like sugar when she wanted. She also had a heart of gold, raising Ash when she found him wandering through town, homeless, and helping the boys cope with the loss of their mother. Ellen even helped Bobby after he'd lost his wife, though Dean and Sam hadn't witnessed that. Just heard about how bad it got.

Now, Bobby was practically in love with the barkeep, but he refused to make a move. He spent most nights after work here, making conversation with her at the Roadhouse.

Jo came out of the back of the bar and smiled at Dean and Cas, leaning over the bar. "Hey, Cas. Hey grease monkey," Jo joked, looking Dean over, who was covered in grease and sweat.

"Hey, kid," Dean replied, and Jo glared playfully at him. "I'm the same age as you, dork," Jo growled, and Dean laughed.

They talked to Jo while waiting for their food, then left to give it to their recipients once they got the food. Dean mocked Sam about his rabbit food for a bit, and all was right with the world.

Or, at least, their small corner of the world.


	12. Chapter 12

"I don't want to go to your stupid party!" Sam exclaimed once more, throwing the TV remote at his brother, who stood in the living room doorway. Dean easily dodged, smirking at his twerp of a little brother.

A month had come and passed, their routine the same as always. Wake up, go to school, go to the auto shop, Castiel helps Sam finish his homework, and they go home. Dean would always finish his once they got home, staying up late to do it.

This weekend, though, Dean had decided to show his brother some fun and teach him about the high school experience.

Sam, of course, was refusing to go.

Though he had a very good reason. He just wasn't going to tell Dean.

"Come on, Sammy. You'll have so much fun that you'll never want to leave," Dean coaxed, grinning.

"I'm busy, Dean. Homework. Maybe some other time." The homework was a blatant lie. If it was any other night, he might've reconsidered, but this was much more important than Dean's stupid party.

"Fine, be boring and stay at home doing homework." Dean sighed in frustration, exiting the house to hop into his Impala. The party would be starting soon, and he was meeting the Terrible Twosome and Cas at their house to carpool. Admittedly, Dean was secretly happy that Sam wanted to stay home for homework. One of them had to do great things one day, and that would be Sam. Sam was going to be a lawyer and live in comfort somewhere for the rest of his life, and Dean was ecstatic at the thought of Sam being happy.

They took Cas's car, but Dean drove, Cas sat shotgun while his siblings got the back. Balthazar had heard about this party weeks ago- some guys who just got out of college rented out a house nearby and to celebrate were throwing a massive party that included a huge in-ground pool, alcohol, probably some drugs, and really hot people. All the makings of one hell of a party. Plus the fact that it's a two-story house made it ten times better.

Charlie, Jo, Bela, and the rest of the gang would be meeting them at the party, and they'd all agreed to not watch each other tonight. Balthazar made Anna promise to actually have fun and not bother him, and Jo threatened to pulverize Ash if he tried to ruin her mojo.

And the most miraculous part is that they'd all agreed. Dean guessed everyone must want to get laid tonight.

Ash was telling Jo to be careful as they stood on the huge porch, waiting for Dean's group to arrive. As Dean neared, Jo looked relieved to escape the conversation with Ash as he tried to put condoms in her pocket. Of course Bela took a few, knowing she'd need them.

"Seen anyone we know?" Dean asked.

"Nope. Not a soul," Bela said, analyzing her nails.

"Good, I love sleeping with- I mean meeting- new people." Balthazar chuckled at his own little joke, pretending to use the wrong word. Anna narrowed her eyes at him, and Dean would bet money that she'd give up on having fun half-way through the party in favor of looking out for her idiot brother.

Of course, Ash might do the same, but only after having some of his own fun. Anna wouldn't _really_ have fun- she'd just pretend to.

"Well, let's go inside then," Dean said excitedly, rubbing his hands together with glee. He couldn't wait to get drunk and pick up some girl. It was the perfect stress-reliever to Dean. He probably wouldn't remember her name in the morning, and she wouldn't remember his. They'd part ways as strangers, maybe exchange numbers for future romps if the night went well- or at least what they could remember. They didn't expect anything of him, and he didn't expect anything of them.

The group headed in, almost immediately getting squished together as they tried to jam themselves into the house. The place was packed, the air thrumming with music as the crowd swayed and danced to the music.

Dean led the group through the house, all of them clutching someone in the group so they all didn't lose each other quite yet. Dean shoved some people out of the way and squeezed through others, his bigger body making enough room for the rest to get through.

Finally Dean found the open sliding doors that led to the back and went through, breathing in the fresh air that smelled of alcohol and sweat with a hint of...weed. Good to know that the drugs had already started circulating the party. Oddly enough, someone had toilet-papered the house at some point during the party, and it floated on the wind like ghostly fingers.

Kids were practically hanging out of the windows on the second floor, some having managed to climb onto the roof. Some drunken kids were climbing the house now, some of their friends standing at the bottom with a mattress as if that would break a twenty-plus foot fall.

Out of one window, some kids put a mattress on the roof and their friend climbed on top of it. With a yell, he took a dive from the second story on the mattress, with a helmet and knee pads on like he was riding a bike or something.

When he landed, the kids hung out of the window, looking down at him to probably see if there were any bones jutting out. Amazingly, the kid was alright and sent a thumbs up to his buddies. That's when they all started trying to get a mattress on the roof.

And it was only just the start of the party!

Dean laughed at the idiots who were drunkenly risking their lives, then spotted an open bar on the patio. He went over, his friends following. Everyone took a alcoholic drink, Balthazar shoving some unknown drink into Anna's hand and then into Castiel's. Cas looked completely awkward holding the drink, as if he'd never held a cup before. It was kind of cute.

As Dean drank his drink in one gulp, the party officially began for the group of friends.


	13. Chapter 13

Sam was practically drowning in his own anxiety. Kevin, Andy, Ansem, and Barry were rushing around the house, cleaning up as much as possible as Jess, Jake, Lily, and Kate tried to prepare Sam. It was a whirlwind of events that were simply flashing before Sam's eyes.

It all started a week ago during Sam's nightly call with Gabriel. Gabe had said that he would be passing through on Friday night- tonight- and wanted to see Sam. He'd asked if they could, and Sam jumped at the chance to see Gabriel after three years. The beautiful boy who's been going through puberty still would be through it now, and Sam couldn't wait to see the beautiful butterfly that Gabe had become.

Sam was still awkward, currently going through growth spurts that made him about the height of Dean's chin, maybe a bit taller. He'd started the year with his head at Dean's chest, and he'd grown several inches since. With his longer limbs, he was lanky and awkward, unsure of what to do with his long arms. His voice also still cracked a bit, but was getting deeper.

Not for the first time, Sam wondered if this was one of Gabe's pranks. How could such a beautiful person want anything to do with Sam? Sam was boring, studious, hated parties, barely had any friends, and was extremely inexperienced compared to Gabe.

Gabe was fun-loving, the life of the party, a social butterfly, and had experienced the world in his three years away. Gabe was other-worldly in his perfection, and Sam was so simple and ugly. Why would Gabe want him?

Of course, as soon as he'd agreed and gotten off the phone with Gabe, he'd texted Jess anxiously about it.

Jess had quickly jumped into action, forming a plan. Dean wouldn't be home on a Friday night- hadn't been in years, unless John was home- so Gabe would come to his house. Kevin got dragged into this plan by Jess reminding Kevin that he'd gotten Sam to reveal his feelings before he was ready, guilting their tan friend into helping. Barry wanted to help anyway, Sam having helped him through more rough patches than either could count. Jake wouldn't miss the opportunity to see the Winchester looking nervous, Lily was convinced by her sweet girlfriend, and Andy wanted Sam to be happy. Ansem was dragged in by Andy.

Kevin, Andy, Ansem, and Barry would clean the house, meanwhile Lily and Kate would get him physically ready- dressing him up and styling his hair- and Jess and Jake would be getting Sam mentally prepared- coaching him on how to flirt and helping him remain calm and not freak out like he was now.

Jess, Lily, and Kate had spent a week deciding on what he should wear, getting more input from Bela, Charlie, Jo, her own parents, Ellen, and Ash; Ash was surprisingly good with style, and Jess was utilizing all of her options.

"You'll be fine. This outfit makes you look even hotter than you already are. He's going to be drooling all over you, and he'll hardly be able to resist you. Just use those big hands for something useful and bat those big brown eyes." Jess winked, erupting into giggles with Kate as Sam's face flushed a cherry red. Lily and Jake rolled their eyes.

Sam observed himself in the mirror, and he had to admit, he looked pretty good. He wore a pair of his signature jeans, but these were tighter, hugging his body more and shaping to his ass well. His wore a tight plaid shirt as well, which stretched over his chest and hugged his lithe muscles.

Hopefully Jess was right.

Sam's hair, which had slowly been growing out, now fell in his eyes, almost creating a curtain if he lowered his head a bit. It was great for the gangly teenage boy who hated making eye contact.

Jess and Dean had threatened to cut it multiple times.

"It's time! We have to go!" Jess shouted, looking at the clock. It was five minutes until Gabriel had said he'd arrive, and his friends needed to make their escape before anyone even knew they'd been there.

With that, Jess ran down the stairs with Lily, Kate, and Jake, all of them grabbing Kevin, Barry, Andy, and Ansem, and ran out the backdoor. They'd planned their escape route, their path crossing many backyards that lacked fences to get to their homes. They knew which houses to avoid due to trial-and-error after years of making secret nightly trips to each other's houses. It was amazing they'd never been caught and hadn't built secret underground tunnels yet.

That left Sam alone for five minutes to find something to occupy him and not ruin his clothes or anything. Mostly he sat on the couch and fidgeted with his clothes, watching the time slowly creep by.

When the clock hit that blessed time- eight o'clock- Sam's heart skipped a beat.

The doorbell rang, and Sam sat there, frozen, for a moment. Then, he jumped into action and raced to the door, swinging it wide open. There stood Gabriel, Sam's knight in shining, golden armor. His whiskey-colored eyes were on Sam, and Sam's knees felt weak. Gabriel's eyes were focused solely on him, and his insides felt as if they were melting.

"Sam," Gabriel breathed, and Sam's heart stuttered in his chest at Gabe's soft, sweet voice. Gabriel had to look up a bit to look in his eyes, and Sam has to look down a bit to see his face, but neither really minded.

"Uh, come in." Sam said, moving out of the way so Gabriel could come through the door. Gabriel did, and Sam's eyes were attracted to the sight of Gabriel's firm ass that was encased in a ratty pair of jeans. Sam's brow furrowed, now analyzing the clothes Gabriel wore. They were old and worn, the jeans fading as the material thinned on his knees. The shirt was small, too small for Gabriel, and rode up a bit every time he walked. While Sam loved the sneak peak of the older boy's stomach, he didn't like the state of his clothing.

Gabriel deserved the finest silks that money could buy. He deserved the best clothes that could be found. He didn't deserve whatever he'd probably found on clearance for a dollar at a cheap store a year ago. Sam wanted to go out right now and buy the boy clothes, but refrained himself. Barely.

"So, Sammich, how ya been? You definitely got taller," Gabriel said, throwing himself on the couch in the living room.

"I think the real question is how have _you_ been?" Sam said, sitting beside him. Gabriel stiffened at his words, freezing momentarily.


	14. Chapter 14

"What are you talking about, Samsquatch? By the way, you really fit the name now," Gabe said stiffly, obviously trying to distract Sam. Sam flushed red, but refused to let the conversation change.

"I'm talking about you and the state of your clothes. Also, you look like you've gotten skinnier. Are you eating enough? Did you find a place? A good one, too, not some cheap motel off the highway," Sam questioned, his concern leaking into his voice as it took over his mouth. It wasn't his business- none of it was- but he couldn't help asking, desperate to know how Gabriel was doing. He hadn't asked for _three years_ , hoping Gabe would just tell him one day, but obviously that wasn't going to happen.

"What? These clothes are comfy and broken in! And yes, Sam, I found a place," Gabriel retorted, putting up walls as quickly as possible.

"And your weight?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I may have cut down on the sweets," Gabriel admitted regrettably.

Sam instantly stood up and dragged Gabriel to the kitchen, digging in the pantry for something. Soon he pulled out a massive bag of candy- green apple with caramel suckers- and shoved the bag into Gabe's hands.

"What are you doing? I can't take these, they're your favorite!" Gabe exclaimed, trying to give them back. Sam just shoved them harder into Gabe's chest.

"Gabriel Richard Shurley, you used to live off sugar, so you are taking this bag of candy and you will shove a sucker into your mouth and enjoy it," Sam growled, narrowing his eyes.

"Kinky," Gabriel muttered with a smirk as he did as told, opening the bag and shoving one of the suckers in his mouth. He moaned at the taste, having missed the taste of sugar on his tongue. But when you were living on your own and couldn't hold down a job, your only stream of money being what your dad could spare, you kind of had to cut back on something.

Sugar, unfortunately, couldn't sustain Gabriel's body, so it had to get cut.

Sam rolled his eyes at Gabriel's teasing, but smirked amusedly. "You know you're the kinky one here. For all I know, you'd put chocolate syrup on your lover," Sam replied, chuckling.

"Oh, what a marvelous idea!" Gabriel exclaimed with glee, licking his lips, and Sam wondered if he was more amused or aroused as he laughed at his childhood crush.

"Okay then... But really, Gabriel. How are you fairing?" Sam let out one last chuckle before turning serious again.

"Sammy-boy, I'm fine! I don't really want to talk about it, okay? I want to get caught up with you," Gabriel replied, praying silently that Sam would finally drop the topic.

Gabriel also wanted to know about his family, but he wasn't sure what Sam would even know, and he was terrified to know. It could've gotten worse; one of his three youngest siblings could be being subjected to similar treatment to what Lucifer had endured, or one of them might be in bad health. For all Gabe knew, one of them had run off like he had.

Gabriel didn't say it aloud, never really allowing himself to dwell on it, but he hated himself for leaving. For being too weak to stay and protect them. To stand up to the big bullies. But Gabriel just wasn't strong enough... He couldn't stand it anymore. He loved all his siblings, despite their behavior. Every wonderful childhood memory was at war with the warped images he received now.

The Michael who had been the model brother, who helped their mother with anything and everything and taught Gabriel to play baseball verses the self-righteous bastard who'd chased Lucifer off. The Lucifer who had played with him when all of his other brothers were too busy and had always made time for him verses the jerk that hadn't stood up for himself and ran away when things got too tough; then again, maybe Gabriel couldn't judge him too much for that, but he refused to judge him for the same things Raphael and Michael judged Lucifer for.

The Raphael who had defended him on the playground from some mean kids who'd called him fat verses the one that had cursed Lucifer ever since the day their mother died and helped Michael chase their brother off eagerly. Then there were the innocent casualties- Balthazar, Anna, and Castiel. They didn't deserve an alcoholic father, a dead mother, two asshole brothers, and two runaway brothers. They deserved a whole, perfect family.

But no one could change the past.

What happened happened, and no one could go back.

"I'm fine. My dad is going to be coming home in a few days, maybe a week... My brother is at a party right now with your youngest siblings. Cas usually doesn't go, and Anna only goes to watch over Balthazar. I think Castiel went to watch over Dean- I think they're gay for each other, but neither has made a move," Sam said, hoping Gabriel wouldn't ask anything about Sam's dad.

Gabriel's eyes widened and his face paled. _This isn't good._ This was everything Gabriel had feared, in fact.

"Really, that so? Where'd your dad go this time?" Gabriel asked, his throat tight. Sam sent him a strange look, but he didn't say anything about it. Gabriel was trying to focus on anything but Sam's last sentence, so he clung to the first while Sam tried desperately to get away from the topic of his father.

"I think somewhere in Texas. He goes to so many forts and academies that it's hard to keep track. I stopped trying years ago," Sam replied nonchalantly, shrugging. It really was no big deal to the Winchester brothers. Sam just had to ignore the occasional stab of pain that pierced his heart.

"I'm sorry, you know?" Gabriel said quietly, looking at his fingers as he picked at his nails.

"For what?" Sam asked, confused.

"I'm sorry your dad is never around and that I left and basically just everything bad that's happened to you, Sam," Gabriel said, looking up at Sam with those piercing, almost golden eyes that made Sam melt. "There's nothing for you to be sorry for, Gabe. You had to leave- for whatever reason- and the other stuff isn't your fault," Sam said, his hazel eyes soft on the boy he'd fallen in love with.

"I should have explained... I should have stood up to my brothers and I shouldn't have left you. I shouldn't have left any of you. I was just so scared. They're my family, and I love them... But they're messed up. They're twisted and broken and splintered." Guilt flooding Gabriel's eyes as he averted them, too afraid to look and see the disappointment in Sam's eyes.

Gabriel was a coward, and he wanted Sam to see that, even though it hurt to let his own crush think that. Sam didn't deserve Gabriel or his shit. Gabriel was broken beyond repair, and Sam was so beautiful- inside and out- and deserved the best. Not Gabriel.

"Oh, Gabe. It's okay. We all are weak when it comes to our families. None of it is your fault. None of it," Sam said firmly, desperate to make Gabriel feel better.

After years of Gabriel being the only one Sam could talk to and understood him, Dean sometimes being too overprotective, Sam wanted to do the same thing for the golden-eyed boy.


	15. Chapter 15

"Sam Winchester, you are one of the best people I've ever known. You deserve so much better than the likes of me," Gabriel said solemnly, gazing into the eyes of said boy.

Sam's heart fluttered as his stomach sank. Those were the words people said if they were about to skip out on someone.

"Good thing I'm selfish," Gabriel said, smirking, before launching himself at the moose. Sam let out a startled moan, Gabriel slanting his mouth against Sam's mouth as he practically devoured Sam. Sam's body hummed, goosebumps erupting all over his skin as his nerves jumped to life, feeling every touch with what felt like a hundred percent amplification. Everything felt so wonderful, Sam thought he might pass out from everything he was feeling.

Sam kissed back, his arms wrapping around Gabriel's waist and pulling him infinitely closer. Gabriel's fingers went into Sam's long locks, pulling slightly and making a moan erupt from somewhere deep in Sam's chest.

Gabriel's brain was having a panic attack. It was screaming at him to stop, that this was illegal and Sam deserved better and needed to live out his crazy high school days not tied to an older guy that refused to cross that line. Dean would murder Gabriel if he found out about this, and Gabe would let him. This wasn't right. This was so, so, so wrong...

But it felt _so_ right.

 _If this is wrong, I never wanna be right..._ Gabriel's brain was the only part of his body thinking rationally, but even that was being corrupted by the wonderful feeling of Sam's lithe, yet muscular body. Gabriel's willpower was crumbling, his wall of resolve toppling to the ground as their lips continued to be melded together.

_I need to stop... But he's so addictive. How can I stop tasting Sam now that I have? How can I ever let anyone else touch him? I can't, I can't let him move on to someone new. I have to show him why he should wait for me, what the bonuses are of having an older guy. What are the bonuses? Shit, how can I show him why I am better than the guys his own age if I don't know what makes me better? Shit, what am I still doing kissing him? This is wrong, stop it. He's only a kid. He doesn't deserve to deal with your baggage,_ _Shurley_ _. You're worthless, now quit mauling the kid._

With that last thought, Gabriel retracted his fingers and peeled himself away, wiggling out of Sam's grip, who let him go after only a moment of struggling. Sam looked sad, his face downtrodden as he had to release his long-time crush, but Gabriel resisted the urge to dive for Sam's lips again, craving to suck the boy's bottom lip in between Gabe's own teeth like he'd watched Sam do for years. Sam really was quite the tease.

"I can't... I can't do this. You're only a kid. You need to do crazy stuff with your friends that you'll regret in the morning. You shouldn't be tied down to a guy like me," Gabriel murmured, holding back his tears.

Why did he want to cry? What about Sam drove him crazy and made his heart race? Sure, Sam was gorgeous- an Adonis, even- but Gabe had seen handsome men before and been able to resist. What about Sam was so alluring? Was it the fact that he was off limits? That he'd do anything for Gabe, if only Gabe asked? Gabriel knew it was messed up, and that's why he was worried about these newly developed feelings.

Gabriel refused to hurt Sam in any way, and that's why he had to let him go. Sam was young, he'd move on and begin liking someone else, and didn't that just rip a hole in Gabriel's heart?

"Gabe, don't do this. Please. You kissed me! I thought you liked me. Am I just a toy to you?" Sam asked, angry tears welling up in his eyes, but he blinked them away.

"No, Sammich... You're perfect in every way. But I'm a broken toy, and that's why I'm throwing myself out so you can get yourself a brand new, lovable toy that you'll adore and will adore you. I'm not the man you think I am, and you wouldn't like the real me," Gabriel said, smiling sadly at the boy he'd have to say goodbye to. His fingers brushed a piece of hair behind Sam's ear, but when he went to pull away, Sam gripped his hand tightly- not painfully, but he wasn't getting away.

Gabriel looked into those hazel eyes, confused. They shone with determination, a serious look crossing his face.

Then, he flipped them.

Gabriel was pinned under the giant, Sam's huge body caging Gabriel in. Then, it clicked in Gabriel's head. Sam wasn't really a kid. Sure, he was under eighteen, but he wasn't the eleven-year-old kid that Gabe had left behind. He was nearly a man, and he was _dominating_.

"Gabriel Shurley, I refuse to let you just walk out of here just because you think I am too young. I'm old enough to know that I want to be with you for a very long time- possibly forever," Sam said, shaking his head in refusal, staring down at Gabriel's golden eyes.

"What do you want me to do?" Gabriel breathed, his fight evaporating fast. He could hardly think with Sam's big body pressing down on him, every inch of Gabriel's front covered by Sam's body. _Wow, Sam has some nice muscles_...

"Just... Don't shut me out, okay? Don't just say we can't be together because I'm younger than you," Sam breathed, his voice lowering. _Sam's eyes are so beautiful... Brown with a sprinkling of green. I could just stare into them forever..._

"Okay," Gabriel breathed, unable to deny those sweet, innocent hazel eyes.

Sam smiled happily, gently pressing his lips to Gabriel's. The kiss was sweet and innocent, only a gentle press of their lips to each other's. Gabriel's lips tingled at the touch, unused to such sweet behavior.

Sure, Gabriel had experience, but not like this. This was pure; this had feelings. Everything else had been rough, rushed, and cold. It was all about just experiencing pleasure. This was about feeling... loved.

Gabriel didn't think he'd ever move on from Sam.


	16. Chapter 16

When Dean woke up, he wasn't fully sure what all had happened last night. His head was pounding, of course, but everything was kind of blurry from last night. His mind was foggy, but he felt a warm body next to him. He had no clue who it was though because Dean was laying naked on top of the comforter while the other person was lying beneath the sheets, with even her head covered.

Dean groaned, lifting himself out of the bed. He stood in the room he didn't recognize, as naked as the day he was born. Clothes were scattered around the room, and he quickly gathered his own clothes, not really looking at the other person's clothes. Once he'd covered himself, he went over to the window in the room. Looking down, he almost laughed at the sight below him.

One of the mattresses was in the pool.

Some scrawny kid was laying on it, a pair of underwear on his head, and only wearing a pair of gym shorts. He also had some sort of fabric material, maybe his shirt, wrapped around his wrists, tying them together. Kids laid around the whole backyard, some only inches away from laying in a pile of somebody's vomit. Dean had a feeling that if he looked at the roof, he's see a bunch of kids sleeping there too. A few kids floated in the pool, face up, sleeping away as they floated.

Dean really didn't want to think about what might've happened in that pool last night.

Fragments of last night's party floated back to him, piece by piece. He'd come to the party with his friends, kids already falling out of windows, and they'd all had a drink. Balthazar had joined the dance floor in the living room, already garnering female attention, as Anna warily watched him leave.

Anna and Cas had gone towards the pool to dip their feet in. Bela was already scoring with the boys, many slipping her their number after only talking to her for a minute. Jo was playing beer pong with Ash and a few other people, Jo easily winning against the others. Of course, a few guys tried to feel her up, but she effectively warded them off by punching one of them in the nose and probably breaking it. Charlie, after a few more drinks, started some karaoke, and a bunch more people, drunk off their asses, joined in.

Benny and Dean stayed together, trying to drink each other under the table, but Benny saw some cute girl he liked and ran after her, eager to flirt with her. Dean decided to go search out some fun and found himself at the pool, jumping in. A few others followed suit, and Dean smiled towards Cas when his head broke the water. Castiel was staring at him and smiling, and Dean felt his insides go gooey.

Just then, a groan broke through the covers and stopped Dean from reliving his memories. The voice was oddly deep, but Dean didn't really think much about it. Dean turned towards the bed, curious to see who he'd slept with the night before.

When a head popped out of the sheets, Dean's heart stopped.

That head of dark hair was so familiar. He'd known it for years- it belonged to his best friend. Dean struggled to breathe, staggering back and leaning against the wall. This couldn't be real. Dean was straight, and he definitely _wasn't_ into Castiel Shurley. This was some horrible mistake.

"God, my butt hurts," Cas groaned, and Dean nearly swallowed his tongue. Then, Cas turned over, eyes landing on Dean. Those cool, blue eyes pinned Dean there, nailing him to the wall.

"Dean? Did we..." _Have sex?_ The rest of the question hung silently in the air, Cas unable to finish the question. Castiel's own mind was still foggy, but his mind was rapidly awakening once more. Dean couldn't even nod- the memories had slammed into him, images flashing through his mind at light-speed as he stared at his presumably naked best friend laying in the same bed Dean had.

Cas's mouth hung open slightly, his own memories assailing him. Then, Dean ran out of the room. He flew down the stairs, his feet barely touching the ground. He couldn't breathe in this house. He wasn't gay, and this was too much for him.

He ran from the house, abandoning his friends at the house they'd crashed at, never once looking back to even check if he was right about kids being on the roof.

Dean ran home, not looking for cars as he ran across small streets on his way to get home faster, and rushed into his home and up the stairs. Sam was fast asleep, Gabriel having stayed very late last night, the two just talking for hours. He'd sleep for hours more, unaware of the crisis his brother was suffering from.

Dean started drinking early that day, uncaring of the chance that Bobby could find him piss drunk. He didn't really care about anything except for not thinking about _it_. If that meant getting black-out drunk before noon, then so be it.

He wouldn't be caring about anything for a few days, hopefully.


	17. Chapter 17

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAD SEX WITH DEAN?" Anna screamed at the top of her lungs, and Castiel wanted to strangle her.

"Shhh!" Castiel hushed her, violently making motions for her to lower her volume. She clamped her own hand down on her mouth, eyes widening in horror. She'd momentarily lost her senses after Cas had randomly said that he'd had sex with Dean, not even thinking about their surroundings.

Anna had only been awake an hour, Balthazar having driven them home when a very upset Cas had woken them up. Charlie, Bela, Jo, Ash, and Benny had all gotten into Jo's car to head home, while Castiel getting shotgun in his own car since he needed time to calm down, and Anna got the backseat. It had been raining the whole ride, starting just before they had gotten in the car. The rain poured down, harsh and unrelenting, hurting as it met soft skin.

Balthazar was sitting in the room, standing by the door and looking and listening for any sign of their brothers now. Chuck was in his room, asleep, but they weren't sure if their older brothers were home.

When Balthazar heard and saw nothing, he gave them a thumbs up.

"So what happened?" Balthazar asked quietly, voice hushed. Anna unclamped her mouth, still looking quite guilty. Thunder boomed overhead, and lightning flashed outside.

"Well, I got pretty drunk, but he was super drunk. I ran into him sometime during the water balloon war in the pool, and he started coming onto me. One thing led to another, and we found ourselves a room. We did the deed, obviously, and we fell asleep. I woke up this morning with him out of bed, dressed, right next to the window, looking as if he'd seen a ghost. I asked if we did it, not quite remembering yet, and he hightailed it out of there like I had an STD or something. He didn't even say a word to me," Castiel whimpered, tears welling up in his eyes. Dean had been so cold this morning. All Cas wanted now was for everything to go back to normal.

"That dick." Anna growled, obviously pissed at Dean's behavior.

"Whatever, I just want breakfast." Cas was desperate to change the subject as his stomach grumbled. His siblings nodded, following him down the stairs. When Castiel halted on the bottom step, the other two barely had time to catch themselves before they all toppled on the floor due to his abrupt stop. The two looked over his shoulder, going pale at the sight in the living room.

Michael and Raphael, scowling, sitting on the couch deathly still.

"Castiel. Come in," Michael said, his voice calm but deadly. Balthazar gulped. Anna clutched Cas's arm in her hands, cowering just behind her younger twin.

Cas's hands shook as he walked forward, Balthazar and Anna following. Raphael glared at the two with thinly veiled rage, and Balthazar ran for the kitchen, dragging Anna along, who tried to stay with Castiel. Michael pointed to a seat near them, clearly indicating for him to sit.

Cas stiffly sat down in the seat, hanging off the edge of his seat for when he'd need to make a quick escape.

"So, Castiel, you slept with Dean Winchester?" Michael asked slowly, deliberately, an eyebrow raised toward Castiel. Cas swallowed hard. He should lie, but if they discovered the truth, the punishment would be worse for lying. They must've heard Anna's words. Castiel's grave had already been dug, the coffin made. Castiel's fate was sealed.

Castiel slowly nodded, biting the inside of his cheek.

Everything happened so fast that if Cas had blinked, he would've missed it. Michael lunged at him, grabbing his shirt and lifting him off the ground by the collar of his shirt. Raphael stood up too, ready to grab Cas and hold him as Michael beat the living shit out of him. Castiel could hear Anna whimpering, crying, and Balthazar comforting her in the kitchen.

Michael's fist pulled back, ready to let the first punch fly, when Chuck stumbled down the stairs. "Michael! Put your brother down _now_!" Chuck growled. Michael froze as Raphael sneered. The whimpering stopped in the kitchen. Castiel stopped breathing for a moment.

Their father's voice was firm. It didn't waver or have any trace of a slur. He meant business, and Michael looked shocked at the order. "But Father, he's _gay_!" Michael exclaimed, his arm lowering to put Cas down on the ground as his fist fell back to his side.

"So? That doesn't mean he isn't your brother! He's still the same boy that grew up beside you! I am sick of Raphael's and your behavior. It's bad enough you chased off Lucifer simply for being gay, and most likely caused Gabriel's departure. I won't stand for it anymore! In fact, I am going to get your brothers back, and you are going to apologize for your despicable behavior," Chuck ordered.

"I-I thought that was what you wanted. I'm sorry." Michael's head hung in shame, and Raphael just stared, wide-eyed, at their father before nodding grudgingly in agreement to Chuck's demands. Chuck's eyes softened on Michael, knowing his son truly did think that had been what Chuck wanted from him. Anna and Balthazar came out of the kitchen, Anna's eyes red and puffy and Balthazar's eyes held tears as well, but he didn't let them fall as his throat constricted painfully with emotion.

"Are we really getting Luci and Gabe back?" Anna asked, her voice soft and childlike with hope. She'd missed her brothers so desperately, despite how angry she had been with them for leaving, that she could hardly speak now, more tears threatening to fall.

Chuck's eyes landed on her, soft and loving. "Yes, dear. We're getting them back." Chuck swallowed, his own emotions almost drowning him. Anna ran to him, wrapping her arms around him as she clung to him, holding on to him tightly as sobs racked her body.

It was as if the rain that still beat against the windows had cleansed the house of years of pain and anguish. The resentment Anna has clung to in their unfeeling world washed away as she sobbed, clinging to the father she'd thought she'd lost. Balthazar smiled without hidden pain in his eyes for the first time in years, lighting up his face. Castiel watched his twin, relief evident in every inch of his body. Everything would be okay. They'd be a family again.

Michael and Raphael watched their younger siblings and father interact, unsure of what to do and guilt weighing on their minds.

Raphael had followed Michael's lead without question for years. Michael was the golden child Raphael always tried to be. When he realized Chuck would never notice, he'd grown angry. The anger covered up the pain he felt. Of course, that had resulted in fighting with Michael and some hateful words thrown at his father.

Michael had desperately tried to please his father ever since their mother had died. When he'd found out about Lucifer... He'd assumed that Chuck wouldn't want that- would hate Lucifer. So he'd chased his little brother- the brother he'd helped raise- off. Michael couldn't say he hated his little brother; no, he still loved Lucifer. He'd never stop loving his brother.

Michael wasn't sure what to do now. He'd done everything- hurt his own family- just to earn Chuck's approval. He didn't dare admit to himself that some of his motivations had stemmed from his mother's premature death. His father's approval had been what he'd wanted, and to know that everything he'd done had been against his father's wishes was mind-boggling. He'd refused to allow for his younger siblings to talk about Lucifer because it had hurt- thinking about him hurt. Michael had no idea that his siblings still hurt as much as he did about it until now.

Raphael was frustrated. He'd done everything his oldest brother had said to do to win his father over, and it had all been for nought. Chuck's disapproval stung. Watching his family be happy _hurt_. He didn't have a mother because of Lucifer- because of the first gay person he'd ever met. All they'd ever brought him was death and pain, so why would Chuck want to bring them back into his home? Yet Michael seemed to be anxious at the thought, but also with a spark of happiness that wasn't normal for him. Michael never showed happiness. Maybe this was a good thing. All Raphael could do, however, was replay his mother's funeral in his mind and remember that she was _gone_.

As Chuck's, Anna's, and Balthazar's worlds were being pieced together, Castiel's, Michael's, and Raphael's worlds seemed to be falling even more apart.


	18. Chapter 18

When Gabriel woke up, he woke up with a pit in his stomach, to the smell of alcohol and filth, and a horrible ache in his back. The pit was due to prolonged hunger and the guilt that ate away at his soul over his rendezvous with Sam Winchester.

The smell was due to his aunt and the motel room that he, Lucifer, and their aunt shared. They lived in a bug-infested, wall-stained motel room that only had two beds and a couch. They lived in one of the worse neighborhoods of a city only thirty miles away from his hometown. The ache in his back was due to the horrible couch he slept on.

When he'd run away, he'd called the number that Lucifer had left him when Lucifer himself had run off, and when Lucifer had answered, he'd cried. It had been the first time he'd heard his older brother's voice in three years, and the years of missing him had hit him like a brick wall.

Lucifer had understood, somehow without words, that Gabriel had run away. Lucifer probably could guess why- the same reason Lucifer had been chased off. He'd offered Gabriel a place to stay, and Gabriel had accepted. Lucifer, when he'd been run off, had found their estranged aunt, and had been taken in by her only three years earlier. Lucifer had promised she'd do the same for Gabriel, and Gabriel had gone to their shared motel room.

Now, he slept on the couch, and all three barely scraped by, even with all the money their father sent to both of them. He knew where they lived because one night two years ago, when Gabriel had really missed him, Gabriel had used their hotel phone to call him. Chuck had got it out of him where they were staying, and he'd been sending them money ever since.

It wasn't that Chuck didn't send them plenty of money because he did; it's just that their aunt spent all of it on alcohol. She was an alcoholic and didn't even have a steady source of income- she usually just got shit jobs as a waitress or bartender.

"Get up! Where's your wallet?" Amara, their aunt, shouted, her eye twitching. Her voice was strangely clear, no sign of a slur. Perhaps that's why she sounded so agitated. She was remembering too much.

"Can't you just hold off? You have a shift tonight, and they said if you showed up one more day drunk, they'd fire you," Gabriel grumbled. Lucifer's bed was empty, probably already out at his job at the grocery store nearby. It was luckily within walking distance, and while the showers may be cold at the motel, they still got the job done.

"No! I need a drink, please," Amara almost begged, but it still sounded like a demand.

"No! We'll barely have enough to pay rent at the end of the month!" Gabriel said, his voice raising in anger and frustration. She might've taken Lucifer and Gabriel in when they need a place to stay, but she was throwing their money away. It wasn't her money to spend, but she never seemed to care.

This was their usual weekly argument that she always somehow won. She always managed to find his wallet to go out and buy her liquor, even if he hid it very well.

"I don't care! I'd rather live in a box!" She screamed, throwing their clothes out of the drawers as she looked for his wallet. That was last week's hiding place. She always looked in the last hiding place first, as if Gabriel was dumb enough to not to have moved it since last time.

Gabriel was about to continue yelling at her to stop, that they needed money to eat, when the motel phone rang. No one outside of Lucifer would call at this hour, so Gabriel automatically assumed the worst- Lucifer had lost his job or gotten in an accident and he was in the hospital.

Gabriel scrambled for the phone, a shaky greeting exiting his lips. His hand quivered, holding the phone to his ear as his fingers clutched it tightly. Gabriel could hear Amara rustling in the background, still looking, but ignored it.

"Hello, Gabriel." Chuck's raspy, gentle voice came over the phone, and Gabe's heart twisted painfully. It had been a year since he'd heard that familiar voice that had comforted him after his mother's death, had soothed him and chased away the nightmares. He'd always been so understanding, never showing anger or disapproval. Disappointment, yes, if Gabriel was doing something wrong or wasn't living up to his full potential, but never disapproval. He was always there to comfort and love, even when he was drunk. He hadn't called in a year, and Gabriel was so grateful for this simple call.

"Dad," Gabriel breathed, voice cracking as his throat tightened. That familiar burning started behind his eyes, but he willed it away. He wasn't going to cry just from hearing his dad's voice- he wasn't going to.

"Son, I want you and Lucifer to come home." When Gabriel made a sound of protest, Chuck immediately cut him off. "I know they've done horrible things to both of you, but I promise that it all stops now. They won't hurt you. I just want you both _home._ " The word sounded broken from his father's lips, and perhaps that was because it _was_ broken. Their home hadn't been whole since their mother died.

But, maybe they could piece back together the remaining pieces.

"Dad... We met Aunt Amara," Gabriel said, desperately wanting to reveal this secret to his father, her little brother. The only person that could piece her back together should know they found her.

 _Aunt Amara_. Chuck's breath hitched. It was the first time any of his children had ever muttered those words. Chuck hadn't even known that any of his children knew about her. He'd hidden all the pictures, never spoken a word about her, and had tried not to even think about her in years. She'd run away when he was quite young, and she'd never tried to make contact since, and he hadn't sought her out, despite how much he missed her sometimes.

To know that his two runaways had found his sister and had connected with her was... Either one of the best or worst feelings in the world.

"Bring her home to me... Please. Can you get here? Do you have a car?" Chuck asked desperately, willing to drive any distance if it meant he'd get his babies and sister back. He'd let six years pass without holding Lucifer in his arms, three years without hearing Gabriel's wonderful laugh or suffer one of his pranks. He'd prayed to whatever God was up there that his children would return to him, but they'd stayed away.

Chuck couldn't blame them. He'd been a horrible father. Drunk all the time, working too much, and never knew what to say to them. What do you say to your children when they'd lost one parent already, and you were barely half a parent?

"We'll get there as soon as we can," Gabriel said, voice cracking. They didn't have a car, but luckily they had a bus system that could get them there- that was how he'd managed to get here in the first place.


	19. Chapter 19

While public transportation wasn't Gabriel's favorite way of getting around, it proved useful when you were too poor to get a car.

When Gabriel had ended the call with his father, he'd immediately called Lucifer to come home so they could immediately leave for home. Lucifer had immediately said no, denied this had been true and had said it was some big trap. Gabriel had insisted otherwise and said he was going with or without his big brother. Lucifer had caved, refusing to allow Gabriel to go back to that house of hell without backup.

He'd talked to his boss, Fergus, who'd agreed easily. Both had a love-hate relationship. Lucifer was his best worker, but sometimes the sarcastic runaway just rubbed him the wrong way. Fergus let him go, understanding that family was the most important thing in life, even if you hated them sometimes. Sometimes the man regretted not having a good relationship with his own son, but he'd lost contact with the boy years ago.

Lucifer had walked the few blocks home, Gabriel waiting anxiously and paving the room. Amara was laying quietly in her bed under the covers, wrapped in a robe, drinking a bottle of booze that had been hidden somewhere by one of the boys ages ago.

When he did arrive home, it had been one of the worst experiences of Gabriel's life to get Amara ready to leave. They'd shoved her into the bathroom, refusing to let her out or have the alcohol until she'd changed. Once she did, they shoved some shoes on her as she'd drank from the bottle like an infant with their bottle of milk. Then, they'd had to drag her out and to the nearest bus station a block away, while she fought and stumbled the whole way.

After buying a ticket and waiting for their bus, they'd boarded the bus and handed over their tickets. They'd had to hide the alcohol on the bus, Amara secretly drinking it as the boys tried to block her from the other passengers' view. Of course, some still saw, but they seemed to not mind as long as she stayed quiet and kept everything PG.

After a few stops and a while of just open driving, they'd finally reached their stop. They'd helped Amara, who still somehow had no clue what was going on, off the bus; it was better that way, though. If she knew, she might put up more of a fight.

The boys' childhood home wasn't far from the station, but it seemed even farther as Amara had to be practically dragged the whole way. When they were on the same street, she began fighting more, causing a ruckus as people looked at them strangely. Finally, they had to stop, her struggling getting to be too much for the boys.

"What the hell is wrong?" Lucifer growled, scowling.

"You think I don't know where we are? I've memorized this place. When I still had a car, I drove by here almost daily. I kept asking myself what I was doing, telling myself I should just go and talk to him. I never did, but I checked up on you. I know the way to that house just as well as you boys do," Amara growled, and the boys' eyes widened as they exchanged glances.

They'd never asked if she knew about them, if she knew where they'd grown up. They hadn't asked if she knew anything about her baby brother anymore. She never volunteered information either- not like this. They never even knew she'd ever had a car. It was hard to think about- her, just watching them from a distance. Making sure they were all okay, when Chuck never even spoke of her. When she clearly needed someone watching over her, she watched over them.

Gabriel swallowed passed the lump in his throat. "He wants to see you."

"He wanted to _fix_ me. Piece me back together. It's what people like him do. They get little pet projects to fix up and remake. He doesn't want to help me or talk to me," She growled miserably, but fiercely.

"No, he wants to apologize for everything." That might've been a stretch. Chuck hadn't really mentioned what he'd do, but Gabe was grasping at straws here.

She looked up at him with such broken hope, with a dejectedness that was due to years of self-loathing and not even an ounce of encouragement. This woman had a broken spirit, and Gabriel didn't know if it could ever be repaired. Lucifer wondered if this is what he would look like in a few years, if this was his fate.

Amara wordlessly followed them now, not even lifting the bottle to her lips once more as they continued their journey. As they stood on the doorstep to Gabriel's and Lucifer's childhood home, Lucifer's finger ghosted over the doorbell, but never touched it.

No one's lips moved to encourage him to press it. All of them had the same fears blaring through their minds. They were the family outcasts, the black sheep. Who was to say that the rest of the flock had or hadn't changed? Only the quiet, meek, drunken shepherd, who didn't understand his sheep.

Then, in an act of bravery, Lucifer pushed the doorbell.

The padding of feet was heard through the door, and all three thought of running. Just when Gabriel was either about to turn and run or throw up, the door opened wide, revealing the small, disheveled looking man clad in an awful striped robe that had raised Lucifer and Gabriel.

"Dad," Both boys breathed, Amara too choked up to speak. The man hadn't changed much; he had a short beard that covered his chin with a connected mustache still, but now it was peppered with grey hair. Lucifer was a few inches taller than him now, but Gabriel stood about at the same height as their father.

"Lucifer, Gabriel." Chuck smiled, then drew them both into his arms. He didn't know which boy he wanted to clutch in his arms first, so he chose both. Lucifer felt tears burn his eyes at the love he saw in his father's eyes, but blinked them away. Gabriel tried to fight those same tears, but a few slipped through as his own arms went around his big brother and father.

Amara stood back and watched, fascinated by the open love her baby brother gave his sons. There wasn't any hesitation or awkwardness after years of no contact with them besides an emotional phone call from Gabriel. There was just a father desperate to hug his children. Not a father who didn't know how to handle them after years of no physical contact with his children.

When his sons pulled away, Chuck allowed them space, his eyes looking past them and to his sister.

"Amara," Chuck breathed, voice cracking this time.

"Little brother," She murmured.

He opened his arms, staying in place, and the desperation for one of his hugs overwhelmed her almost instantly, and she lunged at him. He wrapped her up in a hug, Amara burying her head in his chest as she just breathed in his scent.


	20. Chapter 20

They stayed like that for a while, not moving. Just breathing each other in and taking in the fact that they finally had each other back.

When they finally pulled away, they moved inside, the other kids already sitting around the living room in silence. When the three youngest saw their brothers, they leaped up. Cas launched himself at Gabriel, both hugging each other tightly. Anna buried her face in Lucifer's chest, her arms wrapped tightly around him as she cried a bit. Lucifer cradled her to him, shushing her quiet sobs as he rubbed her back.

Balthazar hugged Gabriel once Castiel moved away, also having missed his older brother. They'd been close when he'd run off, and Balthazar was probably the only one who had known why Gabriel had run. He'd known it was coming longer than anyone had realized. Balthazar had known he'd wanted to run ever since Lucifer ran.

Balthazar and Gabe separated, moving back to the couch with Castiel. Anna wasn't letting go, so Lucifer just scooped her up in his arms and sat on the couch with her in his lap as her arms just tightened around him.

Amara sat awkwardly among them, the remaining five children all looking at her with confusion. Chuck stood before them, drawing their attention back to him in the middle of the group.

"Now, I need to straighten some things out with all of you. There will be no more beating each other up. If you go out with friends or to someone else's house, I will be notified. No more sneaking out. Also, no one in this house will be discriminated against by anyone else for who they are attracted to. No one administers any punishments but me. Do I make myself clear?" Chuck said, his voice stern and commanding.

All the children nodded in agreement.

"Now, Michael, Raphael, I want you both to apologize to all of your siblings individually," Chuck ordered once he'd been satisfied that all his children had agreed.

With grumbling from Raphael, Michael started. "I'm sorry, Lucifer, for beating you up when I found out you were gay. I'm sorry, Gabriel, for making you feel afraid in your own home. I'm sorry, Balthazar, for beating you up if you sassed me and yelling in your face when you had headaches. I'm sorry, Anna, for yelling at you when you had headaches and making you be afraid as well. And I'm sorry, Castiel, for hitting you and yelling at you so much." Michael apologized, actually sounding sincere. Perhaps he hadn't known that what he'd done had been wrong.

When Raphael didn't start, Michael elbowed him with a well-meaning glare sent his little brother's way.

"I'm sorry, Lucifer, for treating you bad. Sorry, Gabriel, for being a jerk. Sorry, Balthazar, for punching you and stuff. Sorry, Anna, for being scary. Sorry, Castiel, for beating you up." Raphael apologized grudgingly, sounding considerably less repentant, but still with some level of sincerity.

Chuck smiled at the two, then turned to look at all of them again. "Now, I want you to meet your aunt, Amara. She'd my older sister. I haven't seen her since we were in high school. We were separately when she ran away," Chuck said, looking to his sister with a sad smile.

All the children turned to the mysterious woman, curious. "Why did you run away?" Balthazar was trying to be as polite as possible. Even Lucifer and Gabriel didn't know, and they'd spent years with her.

"My parents ignored me, and I couldn't take it anymore," Amara admitted, her voice tight even after years of time to come to terms with it. The children winced; sure, Chuck never explicitly ignored them, but sometimes it felt a bit like that. Especially the month after their mother died, the month after Lucifer ran off, and the month after Gabriel ran off. The bitter, sad feeling still housed itself in their hearts, years later. It was a horrible, but bearable feeling. Like a dull ache that never went away and became a sharp, unbearable feeling when they thought about it too long.

"Our parents... They didn't understand her," Chuck tried, but failed, to explain further.

"They idolized your father- for good reason- and lost interest in me. Then I started acting out to get attention. That's when they thought I'd taint him. They hated me and made your father hate me, too. Everyone ignored me. I was tolerated, but I could feel their disdain. So I left," Amara told them honestly, shrugging by the end. Chuck's head was bent in shame at his weak nature as a child, having gone along with everything his parents had said. They'd made her out to be the villain, but really, she was the victim of emotional neglect.

"I'm so sorry, Amara," Chuck murmured, letting all of his guilt and sadness shine in his voice.

"I don't blame you, baby brother. You were a naive child. I blame those _two_." Amara spit the word, as if it disgusted her. Chuck averted his eyes, unable to look at her fiery gaze. It was hard for him to think of his parents like she did- they'd both loved him, had cared for him, and made sure he wanted for nothing as a child. It was hard to remember that wasn't the experience Amara went through, and that her childhood had been robbed from her.

"If you want, you boys can still go to college," Chuck murmured, changing the subject, his eyes moving to Gabriel and Lucifer, who sat next to each other and apart from Raphael and Michael. Anna was still curled up in Lucifer's lap, and Castiel and Balthazar sat near them.

"Really?" Lucifer asked hopefully, having dreamed of getting to expand his knowledge and better himself more than the uneducated mechanic he had been. It had been an honest living, but a hard one. Chuck nodded, smiling.

Lucifer had always been a shining star in school, living up to and even exceeding the expectations that the teachers had set based on Michael's success. Michael had been the golden boy in school, taking all sorts of advanced classes and maintaining his GPA- a 4.0. Lucifer had dreamed of becoming a doctor, and had been crushed when he had to give that up for one major reason: you had to finish high school to go to college.

Now, he could. He just had to take some classes to finish up school.

His life could finally get back to normal.

Or at least, as normal as your life gets with the name Lucifer.


	21. Chapter 21

"Dean, please. We need to talk," Castiel called out, desperately trying to keep up with the slightly taller boy who was speeding down the hall. The hallway was full of students, who all looked on with confusion. The two best friends never fought like this.

"What's there to talk about, Castiel? I don't want to talk!" Dean exclaimed, turning on his heels to face the blue-eyed boy. Cas winced, not liking the harsh sound of his full name on Dean's tongue.

"Dean, I'm sorry! Can't we just forget it happened?" Castiel begged, wishing that Dean would just let it go. Castiel didn't want to forget that night, but if it meant he got to keep Dean in his life, he'd do anything.

"No, I can't just forget, Castiel! It happened, and it can't happen again. The best way I can ensure that is to stay clear the hell away from you." Dean said gruffly, his gaze accusingly on Castiel, as if the smaller boy had caused the events at the party.

"Dean, we're best friends! I promise it won't happen again! Please, just... Don't push me away," Cas begged, taking a few steps closer. Dean instantly took a few steps back.

"It doesn't matter, Castiel Novak-Shurley. You can't help who you are. No matter how hard you try, the other shoe will fall. It'll happen again, and I won't be able to help it again." Dean's words cut through Cas like a knife, and Dean turned and continued down the hall, ignoring the probing eyes and confused gazes, ignoring the need to turn and comfort the boy that had taken hold of his heart secretly, and just following his instinct to run.

Castiel stood in the hallway, frozen, for a long time. The warning bell finally awoke him from his icy state, sending him, like a zombie, to class. The rest of the day was spent in a numb haze. Balthazar and Anna ushered him away from their normal table with the others and directly to the back of the lunchroom, as far away from Dean Winchester as possible.

The rest of the group was eternally perplexed by these new developments. First, news of the fight that had spread throughout the school like wildfire in some dry underbrush. Now, the Novak-Shurley siblings were avoiding their table completely. No one knew anything. Everyone just shared glances and didn't mutter a word.

"What did you do?" Sam finally asked halfway through lunch, sighing in resignation since everyone else refused to ask the same question that had been swirling in their own minds.

"What? Why did I have to do something?" Dean asked defensively, throwing his hands up.

"Because Cas isn't talking to you, and Cas doesn't do stupid shit like you do," Sam replied easily, giving Dean one of his best bitch-faces.

"Well, this time it was Cas," Dean replied coldly, turning away from his baby brother. Everyone stared, aghast. Dean was acting like a dick- to Sam. Sure, he was a dick all the time, but this was _Sam_.

"Hey, douchebag, why don't you just go and makeup with your boyfriend already?" Jess hissed in defense of Sam, irritated.

"We're not dating, dammit! I'm straight!" Dean yelled, catching the whole cafeteria's attention. Anna and Balthazar glared all the way across the huge room filled with hundreds upon hundreds of students while Cas never lifted his head. Bela saw the three siblings from across the room, then looked at Dean.

"Oh," Bela murmured, a bit surprised, but not too shocked. "What?" Dean asked with annoyance.

"Well, I mean, it's obvious what happened," Bela stated, smirking just a bit.

"What's obvious? What happened?" Jo asked, confused, looking between Bela and Dean now.

"Well, I must say I'm a bit disappointed. I was hoping for a few more nights," Bela said, shaking her head slightly, but still looking amused. Dean really wanted to wipe that smirk off her face.

"What?" Charlie asked, confused also.

"Dean here just added someone new to his list of conquests. Castiel," Bela revealed, smirking. Everyone looked at Dean, shocked.

"What? That's crazy, I'm not gay!" Dean replied, laughing it off.

"Well, you're at least bisexual. I must say, I didn't need the competition for your affection. But when you pick them, you pick very well," Bela purred, looking over at Cas. Dean felt an overwhelming surge of jealousy, but buried that burning ball quickly.

"I didn't sleep with him," Dean growled, standing and storming out of the lunchroom.

"Well, that was entertaining," Bela said, and the rest of the table glared.

Lunch was soon over, and the day continued much the same. Dean drove Sam home, where they found their father's car sitting in the driveway. Dean almost wept with joy at seeing it, while Sam was filled with dread.

Dean jogged into the house, opening the door to see his dad on the couch.

"Dad, I want to join the military early. I'm ready to go," Dean said as soon as his father had looked up, stony faced and serious. John took in his son for a moment, looking him over for any signs of weakness or possible future regret. Seeing none, he nodded.

"Okay, son. I'll see what I can do if this is what you really want," John said cautiously, not expecting his son's enthusiasm. Sam just passed the threshold as Dean nodded eagerly. "Yes, sir. That'd be great." Dean smiled with relief.

"What?" Sam asked, confused.

"I'm joining the military, Sammy." Dean grinned down at his brother as Sam's eyes widened in horror for a second before faking a smile.

This wasn't good.

In fact, it was extremely bad.


	22. Chapter 22

"I SWEAR TO GOD, I NEVER MISSED YOU!" Lucifer screamed as Michael wrestled him to the floor. Some things would never change in the Novak-Shurley household.

It had been a year- a year of Dean being gone, a year of Gabriel and Lucifer being back, a year of Gabriel and Sam seeing each other, a year of Sam and Cas missing Dean. Lucifer had already finished his last few high school classes and started his college career of pursuing being a doctor. Gabe was still struggling to finish high school. Castiel, Balthazar, Ash, Jo, Bela, Charlie, and Benny had graduated, Anna was trying to finish her high school career, Chuck and Amara were trying to get sober, and everything seemed alright with the world.

Except Dean was gone.

Except Dean was gone, and he never called.

Except Dean was gone, in a freaking war zone, and never answered Castiel's calls.

Except Castiel was slowly losing his sanity as he continued to worry.

Castiel had gotten Sam a puppy as a Christmas present after Dean left, feeling responsible for Dean leaving. Sam had been excited to have the puppy- a Golden Retriever he named Bones. Of course, since John was gone again, it was fine to keep the puppy at his house, but when John came back, Bobby agreed to take the pup. John was gone, off helping Dean train at bootcamp.

Bobby watched over Sam most of the time, sometimes needing Ellen or Rufus to help out. Castiel also helped out quite a bit, choosing to do online schooling instead of flying the nest like Jo, Bela, Ash, Benny, and Charlie. Balthazar actually went to an actual college, but still lived at home. Jo and Ash visited often, but neither stayed too long.

Bela refused to visit her parents, who she was currently filing charges against for abusing her all her life. They'd long suspected it, but makeup and some hardcore denial did wonders for hiding it. Her parents, they'd been told, were good at hitting her where the bruises wouldn't show. Sam, of course, egged her parents' house. Jo had threatened to kill them- to their face. Hell, Ash actually punched her father.

Benny had stayed away, worried about actually killing them. Charlie had hacked their computers and leaked some incriminating evidence to the authorities- Bela's 'parents' liked to take pictures. Jess, Kevin, Barry, and Dirk threw baseballs into their windows.

Of course, everyone turned a blind eye to these new activities.

Even if Bela was a bitch, no one deserved that.

Castiel sighed as his two older brothers wrestled, Lucifer being the only brother that could possibly take on Michael. Michael was actually struggling to keep the upper hand in this fight, but at least this was just playing. It wasn't out of anger like it had been in the past with Raphael.

"You know I kinda missed you, little brother," Michael said affectionately, Lucifer pinned under him.

"Get off me, you sentimental lug," Lucifer grumbled playfully, pushing Michael off of him. Michael laughed, and Cas frowned. Castiel wanted to be happy for his family, but all he could imagine was what Dean might be doing, what could have happened to him, what he might be doing if he hadn't left.

The two brothers went to toss a baseball around, catching up on all the time they'd lost. Michael had quickly accepted Lucifer back into their lives, despite Lucifer's sexual orientation, and the rest of the family seemed to be meshing again. Raphael was still a bit callous with his siblings, but overall was becoming more accepting.

Castiel abandoned the dishes he was washing, unable to finish as memories swarmed him. He slowly climbed the stairs, not even making a sound as he reached his room, slipping in and going to his bed. Beneath his pillow was a picture of Dean and himself when they were sophomores. They'd been caught off guard, the two laughing together as they leaned against each other for support as they almost fell off the couch. Anna had taken it secretively, having figured out where Cas's affections lied.

Castiel crawled into his bed, one hand sliding under the pillow to touch the picture. Cas laid his head on his pillow, letting his comforter envelope him as he shut his eyes tightly, gently brushing his thumb over the picture.

Castiel opened his eyes after a moment, reaching into his bag by his bed to dig out his phone. His thumb typed the numbers automatically without him even thinking about it. He pressed the call button and put the phone to his ear, praying this time he'd answer.

He called everyday, hoping that his soldier boy would answer. Dean didn't answer, but Castiel still called; just in case, one day, Dean wouldn't be able to stop himself from picking up, and Dean would confess his feelings, and Castiel would too, then Dean would get home safe and sound as soon as possible, and they'd be happy together. Castiel, however, would take just hearing that rough, scratchy voice that Dean possessed. Somehow, even though it was rough, it was so soothing. It was Castiel's unhealthy addiction- Dean's deep, gravelly tone.

But, like always, that horrible tone sounded, signaling he hadn't answered, and Dean's voicemail answered. "Hey, this is Dean, and you know what to do," Dean's voice said over the phone, slightly distorted. The beep sounded. "Hey, Dean. It's me again. Please, just answer my calls, okay? I just... Need to hear your voice, Soldier Boy," Cas whispered, his voice breaking.

"I need to know you're safe- that you're alive," Castiel voiced his worries with a heavy heart, wishing he'd never gone to that party, never gotten drunk, never ruined everything he and Dean had for one wonderful night. This was torture. Not seeing Dean was torture. Not being able to hug Dean was torture- to have a conversation with him without having to imagine it.

Castiel ended the voicemail message, tears gently and silently falling down his cheeks.

Castiel cried himself to sleep that night, imagining a pair of great big, black wings flying him to Heaven before calloused, rough, harsh hands gripped him and dragged him down again.

Cas could've sworn that he felt those painfully familiar arms wrap around his waist before he fell asleep.

Unfortunately, he was wrong.


	23. Chapter 23

Sam wasn't as naive as everyone believed him to be.

It was pretty obvious why Dean would high-tail it for the military after a party and cut off contact with Castiel Novak-Shurley, his best friend in the whole wide world. Sure, he'd been confused for quite a while. Probably a month. But everything soon fell into place when he'd found out about Cas's depression.

He'd been mad and sad all at once when he'd realized it. He'd been angry at Dean for hurting Castiel and not accepting his own sexuality, but he'd also been sad because he knew why Dean couldn't accept his own sexuality.

John Winchester.

Sam might love his father, but he hated some of the man's ideals and thoughts on the world. Their father didn't approve of gays- some would go as far as to say he hated them. He'd made his opinion about them known to his sons since they were little boys.

Sam definitely didn't agree with his father there since he himself was gay.

Obviously Sam wasn't eager to tell John that he had a boyfriend. John would throw a fit, yell and scream, probably even threaten to disown Sam. Sam wasn't ready for that confrontation yet.

But Gabe was.

"I told my family about you, why can't you tell yours about me?" Gabriel whined, nuzzling his face into the bigger, younger boy's neck.

"Gabe, that was after you'd run away for three years so you wouldn't have to tell them your sexuality, and after you knew they would support your choices," Sam reminded, giving Gabriel one of his classic bitch faces.

"Are you ashamed of me? Of dating an older guy?" Gabriel asked after a moment of hesitation, pulling away from Sam and stared at his fingers as he picked his nails as if they were more interesting than the moose with the beautiful eyes in front of him.

"Gabe, I'm not ashamed of you! I'm just... Not ready to lose my dad like that, you know?" Sam asked, trying to get Gabriel to see his point. He didn't think it was very fair of Gabriel to expect him to ruin his family life when Gabriel had run away from this very same issue years ago. Hell, Dean had run away from it too just last year! So why did everyone expect Sam to rebel? To stand up for himself instead of cowering and hiding like they did?

Why did Sam have to be the martyr? The pariah?

Gabriel looked up at him for a moment, hurt, but still somehow understanding. "I love you, Sam, I do. But I can't be in a relationship that I have to hide from his family," Gabriel said sadly, but resolutely.

Sam's heart rate picked up, his breathing accelerated, and his mind sped. He was panicking. He couldn't lose Gabriel. He had to do something, say something, to appease him. Gabriel got off the couch, ready to depart from the Winchester home and never return.

"My dad and brother are visiting this weekend!" Sam blurted, stopping Gabriel mid-step. Gabriel slowly turned on his heel, eyes wide.

"And?" Gabe asked, hope rising in his chest like a balloon. But balloons can easily be deflated.

Sam wasn't sure why he'd said it.

Wait, no. That was wrong. He knew exactly why he'd said it.

Sam hated living a lie, and he definitely couldn't live without Gabriel. Not now. Not after growing so close to him and leaning on him for emotional support after his brother had left.

"I'll tell them then." Sam swallowed hard. There was no going back. He'd signed his own death certificate. But how could he dread it when Gabriel's face had lit up like a Christmas tree, showing off his dimple. Gabriel launched himself into Sam's arms, peppering the boy's face with kisses.

This was everything Gabe had ever wanted. All Sam had ever wanted, too.

The week came and went much too quickly for Sam, leaving him shaky and unsure as he readied himself for his family's arrival. He wasn't sure when to tell John- as soon as he got here? The second day here? Right before he left? Middle of the first day? When?

He also wasn't sure how to tell them. Rushed, just letting it all gush out? Or slow and methodical, letting him absorb a piece before continuing to shatter John's plans for him?

This was all too much for Sam.

When John and Dean arrived early Saturday morning, Dean embraced him as if he hadn't seen his younger brother in years while John just observed him, smiling proudly to himself. John could see Sam was going to make something great of himself one day, and he was proud to say that he was Sam's father.

As the day wore on, Sam's nervousness and fear began to dissipate. This was his family, and if they couldn't accept him, then he didn't want to see them ever again. Bobby would take Sam in, and Sam would finish the school year and go to college and pay Bobby back.

Gabe would be by his side the entire time.

They were all sitting down at the table for dinner when Sam finally brought it up.

"Hey, Dad... I need to tell you something," Sammy said nervously, setting down his fork that he'd been playing with his peas with.

"Go ahead, Sam," John said, putting his own silverware down. Dean was watching Sam silently, still eating. Sam took a deep breath to calm his nerves, stilling his shaking hands. It was now or never.

"I have a boyfriend," Sam said hurriedly, needing to get it out before he chickened out. John stared for a moment, mind processing this new information. Dean choked on his food, having to spit it back onto his plate. Sure, he'd suspected it from the weekly phone calls to Sam, but he'd never expected Sam to tell John.

"What did you just say?" John asked slowly, menacingly, as if he had misheard Sam when they all knew he hadn't.

"I have a boyfriend. I'm gay," Sam said slower, more deliberately. Sam wasn't backing down- no more hiding.

"If you are playing a joke on me, now is the time to say it," John growled, and Sam just shook his head.

"Dammit, Sam! You are not gay!" John shouted, slamming his hand down on the table.

"Actually, I am," Sam replied back calmly, steeling his nerves.

"No son of mine will be screwing boys!" John ordered, standing up now.

Anger rose in Sam's chest as Dean said nothing, did nothing. Just kept stuffing his face, keeping his head down. Sam couldn't stop himself.

"Well doesn't that suck for you since your oldest son _has_ screwed a boy!" Sam yelled, standing up too.

The room fell silent. Dean's fork clattered to the table, the food on his fork splattering. Dean was staring at Sam, wide-eyed, wondering if Sam had really just said _that_.

John Winchester was frozen solid, unsure if he'd heard correctly, too.

Dean swallowed harshly, desperate to deny it. "I-I haven't, I'd never..." Dean sputtered out, eyes moving between John and Sam anxiously.

"Come on, Dean. We're leaving," John said coldly, staring into Sam's eyes before walking to the door. Sam stood there, shocked he'd betrayed Dean like that.

Dean glared at Sam as he stood, tears threatening to cloud his eyes as he got up to follow his father.

There had been no threats to disown Sam. John hadn't ordered him to vacate the premises. Sam had thought this would end with a slamming door, yelled words, something loud and unforgettable.

Instead it ended with a quiet door shutting, a near-silent room, only disturbed by Sam's ragged breath. His world ended with, not a bang, but a whimper.


	24. Chapter 24

Castiel had hallucinated those arms wrapping around him that night. The growing weight of the loss of Dean was weighing so heavily on Castiel's mind that his sanity was cracking under the weight of it.

Castiel's condition was steadily worsening.

He was starting to _see_ Dean. Hear Dean talk to him, comment on something. At first it had only happened once or twice, few and far between. But it had slowly grown in intensity and frequency.

He wasn't sure if Dean was there or not anymore.

He'd kept calling Dean, his one tether to reality. Dean not answering always reminded Castiel that he was gone. He never mentioned it in the voicemails he left, not wanting to concern or chase away Dean if he actually listened to them. No, he always just wished him well and asked him to call or at least answer.

Unfortunately, that hadn't lasted for long.

As Castiel's hallucinations became more vivid and frequent, his grip on reality loosened. He'd become so lost in this fantasy his mind had created that he forgot that Dean was gone; gradually, the calls lessened. He only called every two days. Then once a week. Every two weeks. Once a month.

He finally reached a stopping point in his downward spiral, now only having moments of clarity near holidays. Cas would only call on holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, and even Hanukkah to wish Dean well.

These moments of clarity when he could remember Dean leaving were so few though, and Castiel's family was beginning to get very, very worried. At first, they'd just believed him to be going through a phase of denial. But it was becoming painfully clear that this was no phase.

Some days were worst than others. Like today.

Dean had been gone for five years now. Castiel was currently caught up in a vivid hallucination that he and Dean were married and living together, his family playing minor roles in the movie of their lives.

Castiel was currently trying to feed 'Dean' pie.

"Okay, this can't go on," Lucifer mumbled, all of the siblings spying on their brother from the kitchen.

"We all agree, but what are we supposed to do? I looked at his phone yesterday, and Dean is the only one he calls. For five years, Dean's ignored his calls. I doubt if we just call Dean that he'll answer _us_ ,"Michael responded with exhaustion, rubbing his eyes.

"Wait, Gabriel, you're dating Dean's little brother. Couldn't you ask him to call? Tell Dean what's going down?" Raphael asked, chiming in on the discussion.

The other four siblings turned to look at Gabriel like Raphael was- expectantly. "I mean, I guess," Gabriel said, biting his bottom lip. He was pretty uncertain about this plan. He was practically ripping his own hair out from worry, but he hadn't dared ask about Dean for four years. He'd pushed too far on that night long ago, and Sam never really forgave him for that. If Dean was brought up, he would shut down.

One glance over at Castiel washed away any worry over his relationship with Sam, replacing it with ten layers of worry for Cas.

Gabe called Sam to see if he was free to hang out today, and when the younger boy said yes, he hurriedly drove to Bobby's house. Sam had moved in after that night, unable for whatever reason to bare being in that house.

Sam was about to go off to college and had begun steadily working at Bobby's auto shop, so they couldn't always spend time together, but Sam tried to make time for Gabe as much as possible. Gabe was getting his degree online, perfectly content to stay home or lounge around Bobby's house with Sam's puppy nuzzled up to him.

Though, now he had two dogs to cuddle with. Sam had taken the Impala- which Dean had left behind- to just drive, upset after having visited Cas a few years back. He hadn't been paying close attention to the road and had hit a dog- an Australian Shepard. After taking it to a veterinarian and discovering the dog just needed time to heal and had no owners, Sam adopted it, too. He'd named the dog Riot, and Riot and Bones had hit it off right away, becoming playmates and nap-buddies.

Sam was waiting outside when Gabe pulled up, Bones by his side with his tail wagging. Bones ran up to the car when it stopped, immediately jumping on Gabriel and licking him once he got out of the car. Gabriel petted him, feeling the soft fur under his fingers. The Golden Retriever lightened his mood slightly, making a smile break across his face.

When Riot heard the light, playful woofs of Bones, he immediately ran for the screen door and nudged it open, running to Gabriel himself and immediately started sniffing and jumping on him, but only coming to the older boy's knees.

"Call your pack off," Gabriel said jokingly, petting the dogs loving as he got down to their level so they could equally cover his face in their slobber.

Sam chuckled and whistled, both dogs' ears perking. They ran over to their owner, Sam beckoning them inside. Gabe followed, sobering up as he remembered why he was here.

Bobby was at the auto-shop, leaving the two boys alone. When Sam had first moved in, Bobby had encouraged Sam to not be alone with Gabe, but had still supplied the proper equipment so that if they just _had_ to, they could at least participate in sex safely.

Sam, of course, had been incredibly awkward and embarrassed during that conversation, Bobby teaching him how to use the condom on a banana, but he'd been grateful even then. He knew Bobby never liked talking about this sort of stuff, and knowing Bobby put the time and effort into teaching him warmed Sam's heart.

He definitely hadn't used them yet, though. Gabriel was waiting until Sam was of legal age, and it was only April. Sam was literally counting down the days until his eighteenth birthday.

Sam turned around to face his boyfriend in the doorway, but seeing Gabriel's grim face erased the smile from Sam's face. Sam's nerves jumped, his fingers already fidgeting nervously. Scenarios ran rampant in his mind, thousands of possibilities nearly driving him mad in an instant.

Was Gabe breaking up with him? Why would Gabe do that? Has Sam done something wrong? Had he made his older boyfriend angry? Had Gabe heard something about Dean? Was Dean okay? Was Cas okay? Could Cas have gotten _worse_?

Gabe went further into the house, sitting on the couch in the living room. Sam followed, sitting as far from Gabriel as he could on the couch. The dogs jumped up next to them, curling up between the two boyfriends.

Sam nervously waited for him to speak, dreading it.


	25. Chapter 25

Dean felt nothing.

No, that was wrong. He felt too many things to be able to tell one emotion from another.

His heart hurt so much that it had become numb.

He was on some base- he couldn't even remember which one now- in Iraq, and his father was on the base too. Dean had risen in the ranks fast, but it was only due to his father's connections, his skills, and his determination. It wasn't public knowledge, but Dean was also assisting on the strategizing- with his father's supervision.

In fact, everything Dean had done had been scrutinized by his father. Nothing Dean did was ever done without his father's knowledge. It was beginning to be suffocating.

Despite the base's ample space, he felt as if the walls were closing in on him. It didn't help that he never had a moment's peace. Every moment he didn't have duties to attend to, there was always some woman waiting for him in his private quarters. At first, it had been a bit awkward, knowing that John had sent them. Then, it had been kind of pleasant. Always having some unnamed woman that he could forget his troubles with. Now, it was suffocating once again.

He knew why John sent them. He knew their purpose. It hasn't been a surprise when he'd realized that they all were brown-eyed or green-eyed blondes or red-heads. They were brought in to make him forget about the boy Dean had left behind. They were supposed to make him forget about the only boy in the world who he had succumbed to. John Winchester was no idiot. He knew there was only one boy who Dean could have possibly developed feelings for, and he sought to erase him from Dean's mind and heart.

Dean was supposed to forget.

The only problem is that he can't.

Every time he held them, he would imagine it was Castiel. Every time they touched him, he imagined their hands bigger and calloused. One time, John had made the oversight of bring in a short-haired woman, and he had clutched her hair and pretended it was Cas's. One girls' green eyes had flecks of blue that almost went unnoticed, but he'd seen them and had fucked her where the lights hit her eyes perfectly to cause them to appear blue. One girl was well-muscled, instead of the normal, soft girls, and he'd felt every part of her that reminded him of Castiel's body. One girl was the same height, and he'd just held her in his arms all night, tucking her into his body to where he could believe the head resting on his chest was his best friend instead of some stranger. He'd paid them all not to tell his father of his stranger behavior, knowing they probably reported these sorts of things to him, and they'd all complied.

He'd also paid them to never tell John that when he was with them, he would moan Castiel's name.

Every time Castiel would call, Dean had to force himself not to answer, to remember that this was for the best. That Castiel deserved someone who was good and whole, not some broken toy soldier that could never be fixed.

But every day, he would listen at night to Castiel's voicemails, old and new, and imagine that voice as he screwed those women who did nothing to fill the void in his heart. Some of the women would shed a few tears for him when he would begin crying in the middle of his time with them, gently wipe the tears off his face and tell him that he should try to call, or meet with, whoever he loved so dearly.

Then he would laugh and sob, knowing he could never be with Castiel. Not after all he'd done.

He refused to call Sam either. He wouldn't answer his baby brother's calls. How could he? Sam outed him to John. Sam made his choice that night. He'd chose his precious boyfriend over Dean. He'd wanted to hurt their dad, but hurt Dean in the process. How could he forgive him for that?

Most nights, he found himself wishing he could forgive Sammy. He missed his little twerp of a brother. He missed their calls, missed Sammy's voice. He missed the brat- almost as much as he missed Castiel.

Every now and then, one of his old friends would call, but if they brought up Cas, he would just hang up. Jo had gone off to join the police academy- just like her old man. Ellen hadn't been too pleased, but nothing was gonna stop that spitfire. Ash was going to college to become a crime analyst, getting a bachelor's in criminal justice. He was going to school near the police academy Jo was at, most likely to keep her safe. Bela was doing her own thing, working as an escort for some high-end celebrities, getting a business degree. She wanted to own her own nightclub, apparently. She was getting enough money from those scumbag parents of hers, anyway. Dean wishes he could rip those assholes' lungs out.

Charlie was learning to be a computer and software engineer, and she said she wanted to work for the police as well. Something about it being fun to hack people legally. Benny had decided college wasn't for him, opting to be a bartender at some club near the university where all their friends were at. Bela promised him a job at her nightclub once she got an education.

Everyone's lives were working out, and so was Dean's. On the outside, at least.

Tonight waiting for him was a cute brunette woman with a button nose and hair that went just passed her shoulders. Her eyes were a warm shade of brown, and she blushed lightly when Dean smiled at her. Dean was shocked his father would pick a brunette, and Dean observed her for a moment. She didn't hold herself like any of the others, and she wasn't dressed like they had. She wore average clothing, as if she wasn't sure what this was about.

Then, he realized. She wasn't one of his father's girls.

"What are you doing in my room?" Dean squinted at her, not knowing who this woman was.

"I'm a reporter. I wanted to talk to the man that is possibly the closest to one of our country's top generals. His son." Her voice was confident, holding her head up with a determined glint in her eyes.

"You've got the wrong guy," Dean said stiffly, uncomfortable with her topic. He definitely did not want to talk about the man who had restricted his life to his duties and women.

Not the best day for this.

"No, I definitely have the right man. Dean Winchester got into the army five years ago. You weren't even out of high school yet when you joined. You rose in the ranks relatively fast, being a Staff Sergeant when you should still be a Sergeant. That must've taken strings being pulled by your father. Then there's the mysterious women that are always waiting for you when you are off duty, but they are only known in the whispers of your fellow men. No record of them exists, but yet you weren't surprised I was in here. That means that they must exist. Your father is the only one on this base that could so thoroughly erase those women's existences. So, why does your father always have women waiting? To appease his reckless son?"

Her eyes were cold. Dean was almost shaking as the information poured from her lips. She somehow knew everything about him, and yet he didn't even know anything about her.

But she didn't know the most important piece.

"Who the _hell_ are you?" Dean was shaking, and his voice cracked. The numbness was disappearing, leaving him vulnerable to the tsunami of emotions that always managed to drown him and shake his very core.

"It doesn't matter who I am. But, I've spoken to some of these women. They said that you were one of the best men they'd ever met, and you hadn't wanted them necessarily. Said you were waiting for someone back home," The reporter said, and Dean wanted to scream that this was his life. No one had a right to know so much about him. He wanted his life back, his privacy back. Why couldn't he just be left alone?

"I left somebody behind," Dean said simply, wishing he was drunk out of his mind right now.

"Who did you leave?"

"My best friend."

"I'm sorry." She moved closer, her hand resting on his shoulder to comfort him. Dean could feel her breath on his flesh, and when he looked at her hair all he could think about was Castiel's dark hair. He took a step closer to her, locking eyes with her. His eyes were asking if this was okay, if their proximity was okay. She nodded, and Dean reached out to touch her skin. She had soft skin like Castiel.

Her eyes twinkled, a smile lighting up her face. Dean moved in slowly, giving her plenty of time to escape his advances. She met him with relish, and his hands went into her dark locks to let the silky strands run over his fingers. Her arms went around his neck, and she deepened the kiss with excitement.

The two soon moved to the bed, Dean's mind only focusing on her dark hair and soft skin, wishing someone else was in his bed; however, he did force himself not to moan Castiel's name so that he didn't offend her.

He actually found that he enjoyed her, which was a thankful reprieve.


	26. Chapter 26

"Have you been able to contact Dean?" Gabriel sounded serious, and it was so unnatural for Gabe to be serious. Sam shook his head slowly, lowering his eyes to hide his shame.

"Do you know why he ran off?" Sam had a moment of hesitation before answering.

"Denial. He and Cas had shared a night together, and Dean hightailed it out of here," Sam replied, biting the inside of his cheek.

"Why do you think he's not answering your calls?" There it is. The dreaded question has been uttered. Sam has been avoiding it for years, and now he can't. He can't lie to Gabe anymore, pretending he doesn't know. He has to tell his boyfriend.

"Because I outed him to our dad," Sam said, his throat constricting dangerously.

"What?" Gabe shouted, shocked Sam would do that to his brother.

"I had just come out of the closet, Dad was yelling at me, and Dean wasn't saying anything! I got so angry that I just kind of said it!" Sam exclaimed in defense, knowing that it wasn't an excuse.

"If you hadn't of done that, we could still contact him and tell him how bad Cas is!" Gabriel shouted, getting in his boyfriend's face. Sam recoiled, grief and fear in his eyes. He'd never seen Gabriel so angry.

Gabe pulled away, not wanting to scare the boy he still loved. Gabe took a breath to calm himself, collecting his thoughts. He gathered his courage; it was time he took a stand.

"Castiel is getting worse. If your brother doesn't get back here and fix Cas, I'll never forgive you. I'm breaking up with you," Gabriel said, and Sam almost lunged forward to grab him and keep his smaller boyfriend with him. Sam's heart stuttered in his chest.

"Please, don't do this, Gabe," Sam begged, but Gabe only turned his back and left the room, leaving his now ex-boyfriend alone in Bobby's house with his two dogs.

Sam ran his hands through his hair, turning from the door Gabe just exited. He caught a glimpse of the couch Gabriel had sat on, and, in a fit of rage, began punching the cushion as if it had just left him instead of Gabe.

Sam, having lost the energy to beat up the pillow, began fishing his phone out of his pocket. He quickly dialed that familiar number and began listening to it ring and ring before going to Dean's voicemail.

"Hey Dean, it's me Sam. Listen, I know you hate me, and I know you never want to speak to me again, but dammit Dean, it's about Cas. He's started hallucinating you. He's been doing it for a while now, and he's getting worse. I know you ran out of here, desperate to never see us again, but this is Cas. He was your best friend before everything went down, and I know you still care about him. So hate me all you want, but come back. For Cas. He needs you." Sam cursed himself after he ended the voicemail, knowing he sounded as desperate and as stupid as he felt. But maybe that would get Dean to come back.

He spent the rest of the day lying around, wishing that Gabriel would come back and say that he regretted everything and that he loved Sam and how everything would be okay. But it wasn't and he wouldn't. Sam had messed up _bad_.

Bobby came by some time later and found him lying on his couch, the lights off and the dogs whimpering. They knew something was wrong, and so did Bobby.

"Boy, what's got ya acting funny?" Bobby asked, retrieving a can of beer from the fridge. Sam stayed laying face down in his pillows, simply grunting in response. He didn't have the will to stir.

"So, it must be somethin' with that boyfriend of yours."

"Ex," Sam said miserably, dragging himself up as if he had a massive hangover.

"What?" Bobby grunted, his brow furrowing and his eyes narrowing.

"He just broke up with me." Sam knew he looked like death, could hear the lifelessness in his voice, yet he made no effort to liven himself up. He had no reason to care anymore.

"Why in the hell would he do somethin' as stupid as that?"

"Because I did something horrible that I can't take back, and I can't fix it, either," Sam murmured miserably. Bobby didn't know about Sam witlessly throwing Dean under the bus with him. Bobby didn't know how he'd ruined his relationship with Dean irrevocably.

Bobby didn't know how Sam had sealed Castiel's fate.

"Oh, you idjit." Bobby sighed, shaking his head at the boy. Sam might be smart, but he sure was stupid sometimes.

"Nothing can never not be fixed, Sam. You just gotta work for it." Bobby left it at that, going instead to make the two dinner. If this was something Sam truly cared about- and Bobby _knew_ it was- then he didn't need any more encouragement than that. He just needed time to think on it.

"Bobby... thanks," Sam said, one corner of his mouth turning up in a sad smile.

"Don't mention it, kid." Bobby threw a piece of meat to each dog, smiling as the dogs caught the morsels midair. Sam almost chuckled, but he couldn't get himself to.

Sam didn't eat that night. He simply cried himself to sleep on the couch, the dogs sleeping on the ground nearby, gently whining and pawing at Sam to try to comfort him the whole night.


	27. Chapter 27

Dean was up before the crack of dawn the next morning, his legs tangled up in the sheets and his arms wound around a plush waist. Lisa- he'd discovered that was the journalist's name before their second round- and she groaned as soon as he began shifting to get up.

"Morning," Dean drawled, smiling down at her. She softly smiled back, her eyes still closed. Her hair was messy and splayed across his pillow, and she was naked beneath his sheets. He placed a kiss upon her lips and clambered out of bed, beginning to get ready for his shower this morning.

"You got a call last night," Lisa said lazily, rubbing at her eyes. Dean's brows furrowed, looking at his phone on his nightstand. He crossed the room, picking up his cell and looking to see who had called him. Seeing who had called him at midnight- Dean knew it had to be about four o'clock in the afternoon where the caller was- and tossed it back down, blinking rapidly as he huffed angrily.

Lisa watched him for a moment, watched him bustle around the room to get prepared for his shower, and quickly grabbed his phone to see who had called.

Someone named Sammy.

Dean's back was to her, so she quickly got into his phone- no password, thankfully- and saw he'd left a voicemail. She played it and put it to her ear.

 _"Hey Dean, it's me Sam. Listen, I know you hate me, and I know you never want to speak to me again, but dammit Dean, it's about Cas. He's started hallucinating you. He's been doing it for a while now, and he's getting worse. I know you ran out of here, desperate to never see us again, but this is-_ " Dean yanked the phone out of her hand mid-message, and Lisa couldn't help her reaction.

"Hey!" Lisa exclaimed, offended.

"My phone, my life, not yours," Dean growled, putting the phone back down. Lisa took a leap of faith.

"Who's Cas?"

You could've heard a pin drop. The tension in the room was palpable. Dean's body went rigid, as if he'd been turned to stone. Lisa, during her inquiries, had heard the name. The women had told her that he wouldn't talk about it, but that was the name he moaned when he was with them; but, she was a journalist, so she had to ask. She had to uncover the truth. Who knows, maybe John Winchester had had this Cas guy imprisoned or something?

"How'd you know that name?" Dean's tone was cold, dead even. It had been more of an animalistic growl rather than words, but she'd been able to make it out.

"That Sammy kid, most likely your brother Sam Winchester, said he was in pretty bad shape. Something about him hallucinating you, and you running out of there like a bat outta hell. So this Cas guy was probably the reason you got into the military. Most likely he betrayed you or something. It sounds like Cas wants to make amends, though. What I find interesting is your brother's words. 'I know you hate me.' Now, why would you hate your little brother? He'd said it so earnestly," Lisa said, voice trailing off. She knew some siblings didn't get along, but she'd never heard one say that the other hated them so sincerely. Her own sister had definitely been angry at her before, but hatred?

"This isn't any of your business," He said, more gravelly than ever. It sounded as if he was close to tears, which Lisa upon seeing him hadn't even thought was possible. She wanted to wrap him in her arms and comfort him like she would her son, but she didn't think it was appropriate right now.

"No, it isn't, but you obviously don't want to face your problems, and that isn't healthy for anyone, especially that Cas guy. Whatever there is between the two of you, you all need to put it aside. Sam sounded desperate, and if you don't help him and Cas now, I don't think there will be anything waiting for you stateside," Lisa said, walking over to him. She gently placed a hand on his shoulder, and he didn't jerk away. Only stayed standing there, most likely holding any tears in.

Then, the tension dissipated, and he began to weep quietly. It was hard, watching this man who seemed so strong cry, but Lisa could tell he needed it. Everyone needed to cry at some point. "Go to him," Lisa whispered after a moment, and Dean nodded.

He quickly went to wash up, not wasting any time. Lisa smiled to herself and gathered up her things, leaving within ten minutes. Once Dean was in his uniform, he went to see his unit commander.

"Son, I can't just grant you emergency leave because your brother said your friend needed you," His unit commander said once Dean explained the situation and requested emergency leave.

"Sir, you don't understand. I- I love him, sir," Dean said, his voice wavering. He'd never allowed himself to admit it, but the words felt right. He knew it in his heart that yes, he loved Castiel Novak-Shurley, his best friend since he was little.

His unit commander stared at him hard for a while, then said, "Let me hear the voicemail."

Dean sat his phone, which he'd been clutching like his life depended on it, on his desk, pressing play on the recording.

_"Hey Dean, it's me Sam. Listen, I know you hate me, and I know you never want to speak to me again, but dammit Dean, it's about Cas. He's started hallucinating you. He's been doing it for a while now, and he's getting worse. I know you ran out of here, desperate to never see us again, but this is Cas. He was your best friend before everything went down, and I know you still care about him. So hate me all you want, but come back. For Cas. He needs you."_

It was the first time Dean had heard it for himself, and he wanted to cry. It had been three years since he'd heard his brother's voice, and he sounded so different. He sounded grown up, and Dean was angry at himself for missing out on so much with the kid.

His unit commander looked up at him, his hard eyes abnormally soft. "Don't let this Cas guy get away, kid." After signing some paperwork, he sent Dean off and told him to get on the first possible flight back to the states and told him not to show his face around here until Cas was his husband or life-partner or whatever Cas was willing to let the dumbass be.

Dean couldn't agree with him more.


	28. Chapter 28

Within the next forty-eight hours, Dean was back in the states- in South Dakota, in fact- and headed home. He had some car rental that really made him miss his baby, his Impala. The flight had seemed endless, with about four stops at different airports along the way. He'd almost missed his flight a couple of times, but he'd made it. It was the most anxiously flight he'd ever been on- not that flying was one of Dean's favorite things, anyway. He hated heights, but he'd endure it for Sam and Castiel.

When he picked up his rental car, he realized that sometime during his flight, he received the call that he knew was coming. John Winchester had called. He pressed the button to call him back, and John answered almost immediately.

"Dean, what the hell are you doing?" John was clearly livid, but so was Dean. He was sick and tired of hiding.

"I'm going to see Cas, Dad."

"Get the hell back in Iraq before I drag your ass back kicking and screaming, boy," John growled menacingly, and Dean wanted to punch him.

"No, Dad, I'm not going back until Cas is okay! You might not approve, but I'm in love with him! I'm bisexual, okay, Dad? There's nothing you can do about it, and I don't care if you don't like it. I can't change, and I can't pretend that I don't love him." Dean wasn't backing down. He wasn't going to be his dad's perfect little soldier anymore.

"No, no, you're just confused. He's just your friend. You're straight, Dean. You just haven't found the right-" Dean didn't let him finish the thought.

"I'm so sick of that argument, Dad! You know, Mom would accept me. Mom would love Cas; she'd support me. She wouldn't keep trying to force women on me that I have no interest in. You know every time I was with them, I thought about Cas? I've never just been with them, and I never will be able to get over Cas. If you can't accept that, then I guess I'm not your son." Tears were in Dean's eyes as he finally admitted what he'd always wanted to say, but he didn't let them fall.

There was a beat of silence. Then, "I-I'm sorry, son. Can you forgive me?" John Winchester's voice had gone soft, his voice scratchy as if he was trying not to cry, too.

"Yeah, I think I can," Dean said, smiling with relief.

"Go and see him." The line went dead, and Dean was more relieved than ever.

It took him about three hours to drive to Sioux Falls, and he headed straight to his childhood home.

What he found there was an abandoned house. It wasn't in disrepair exactly, but it looked as if it hadn't been lived in for a while. When he stepped in, he could smell dust and mildew. There were plates in the sink, and after a closer look, he realized they were the plates that he, John, and Sam had eaten off of four years ago. Everything from that night was imprinted on his brain. The chairs were exactly how they'd left them, kicked away from the table. Dean could almost see them standing there, arguing. He shook his head and left, realizing Sam must've left as soon as he could, and there was only one place he would've gone.

Bobby's house.

Dean drove as fast as he could for Singer Salvage Yard, praying he was right. He needed to see Sam before he went to Cas. He wanted to know how bad Cas was before he saw him. He slammed on his breaks in front of Bobby's house, quickly exiting the car. He saw Baby, and he almost jokingly wept with joy at seeing the beautiful car.

Instead, he rushed into the house. A Golden Retriever met him at the door, wagging its tail and barking excitedly. Some other dog- Dean was pretty sure it was an Australian Shepard- joined the first in attacking Dean's legs, trying to get him to pet them or something.

"Sam!" Dean yelled, trying to push through the dogs.

"Dean?" Sam came around the corner, seeing his brother there with Bones and Riot jumping around his legs and barking frantically. Sam would have laughed at the sight if Dean didn't look so distraught.

"Sam, how bad is Cas? And don't sugar-coat it, dammit," Dean said, the dogs finally relenting and going back over to Sam.

"You're back," Sam said dumbly, shocked. He honestly hadn't expected Dean to come back after he called. He'd stopped expecting anything from Dean.

"Yes, now tell me, dammit!" Dean's breathing was ragged, and Bones growled lowly before Sam's hand rested on his head, calming him. Riot just began hiding behind Bones, frightened of Dean.

"Cas... its bad, Dean. He's hallucinating. He doesn't even talk to his family. Just talks to what he imagines is you. He even tries to feed you. He has no perception of reality. You're the only one who could get through to him," Sam said, tears welling up in his eyes.

Dean cursed, wanting to punch something. He clenched his fists, jaw clenching. "I gotta go." Dean turned to leave.

"Dean. Here." Dean turned around, and Sam tossed him Baby's keys. Dean smiled slightly before he rushed out the door, heading straight for the Impala. As he climbed in, he could smell dogs.

"Dammit, Sam. You know I have the rule of no pets in here," Dean grumbled, shoving the keys in the ignition and turned the keys, hearing the engine roar to life, then mellow out to a purr.


	29. Chapter 29

Dean peeled out of the salvage yard, driving the familiar path to the Novak-Shurley household as fast as possible. He slowed down at the familiar police spots, but otherwise drove well above the speed limit. When he drove down that familiar street, memories were playing through his head. Dean and Cas running down the street, laughing and playing as Anna and Sam ran after them, screaming about something their brothers had done. Dean and Cas trying to outrun the cars that passed them. The boys camping in the front yard of Cas's house.

Dean saw that Cas's driveway was full of cars and wondered what he'd missed since he'd left. He parked on the street, jumping out of his car as soon as he'd parked and gotten the keys out. He ran to Cas's porch, frantically ringing the doorbell.

"I got it!" A deep voice yelled, and the door opened on a face that Dean hadn't seen in a long time and hadn't expected to see again.

"Lucifer," Dean stated, jaw dropping open in shock.

"Oh, it's this dumbass," Lucifer growled, grabbing him by his shirt and pulling him in the house.

"Who is it, Lucifer?" Dean heard an even deeper voice and then Michael appeared in the front hallway as Lucifer slammed the door closed with his free hand.

"See for yourself." Lucifer shoved Dean toward him, and Michael caught the younger man before he fell.

"Dean," Michael said with surprise, as if none of them had expected him to come and see Cas. Then again, Dean hadn't exactly given them a reason to think that.

"Guys, get in here!" Lucifer yelled, and Dean could hear many sets of footsteps coming toward them. Soon, Dean saw Anna, Balthazar, Raphael, Chuck, some random lady who he didn't know, and even Gabriel. Gabriel looked shocked and close to tears as soon as he saw him, which made Dean's brows furrow.

"Oh my God," Anna whispered with relief, her mouth going to cover her mouth as tears fell from her eyes. Balthazar looked relieved, as well, but just put an arm around his sister. The woman looked confused, as if she didn't know who he was either. Raphael looked angry, which was pretty fucking scary. Chuck looked happy- and surprisingly sober.

Gabriel grabbed Dean from Michael and began dragging him upstairs without a word. Dean wanted to protest, but he couldn't seem to get the words out. His heart was pounding in his chest, and his gut tightened. He wanted to run away and hide, but his body had no power over itself. Gabriel just kept pulling Dean forward, and Dean grew increasingly pale as he was led through the house.

"I-I don't know..." Dean's words got caught in his throat once they stopped in front of Cas's room, Gabriel throwing the door open and shoving him in. Castiel was laying in his bed, and Dean thought he must've just heard a funny joke because Cas was giggling like he would when Dean would crack a joke that didn't get him full on laughing, but was still amusing. He didn't realize how wrong he was.

"Stop tickling me, Dean!" Cas gasped out, rolling around as if to shake off the imaginary arms that he must've thought were wound around his waist. Dean wanted to cry hearing his name uttered on Cas's lips, wanted to grab him and shake his shoulders and tell him that he was _here_. He wanted Castiel to _look at him_.

"Cas," Dean whispered, stepping closer. The giggles died down, and Cas looked up at Dean; But he wasn't really _seeing_ him.

"Oh, great, I'm hallucinating two of you now," Cas chuckled, the sound harsh and self-deprecating. Dean bristled, almost offended, but also put off.

"No, Cas. I'm not a hallucination," Dean said, trying to sound gentle. Cas was... fragile. Dean needed to go slow.

"That's what you all say. But everyone keeps telling me you aren't here." Cas giggled, as if something about this was funny to him. Dean observed him for a moment, evaluating his old best friend and his strategy.

Cas had stubble growing along his chin and on his upper lip, giving Castiel a rough and I-let-myself-go look. Dean couldn't say it looked bad on him. No, in fact, Cas looked rather handsome. Personally, Dean had remained well-shaven and put together, more for his father's benefit than anything. If it wasn't for the military life and John, Dean would probably look similar to Cas.

"Come here and see for yourself," Dean said, holding out his arms. Cas hesitantly stood, treading over to Dean like a child sneaking out of their room after bedtime. Dean smiled encouragingly, waiting patiently. Once Cas was at arm's length, he reached out his own hand as if to touch his old best friend. The hand hesitated, floating midair, somewhere between the realm of comfort and solitude that he'd been living in and the unknown.

If he touched him, what would it all mean? Was Dean back for good? Or was he just here to heal and tease Castiel, then leave him in the exact same way as he had last time? Was Dean his ending or his beginning? And what if he wasn't real? What if Cas didn't truly feel him? Would a whole new era of painful hallucinations be brought on, all of them making him question what was real and what was not? And why was Dean here now, if he really was? Out of pity? Was he here due to the desperate calls of his family and Sam? Or of his own free will? Had they blackmailed him into returning? Did he hate Castiel deep down? Was Dean repelled by him?

Castiel could not be the source of his revulsion.

Castiel decided if this was a vivid hallucination, he would kill himself tonight.

If Dean was truly here, but out of pity or being blackmailed, he would kill himself.

Every scenario Cas deemed to be most likely would end in his death tonight, whether anyone knew it or not. Cas could no longer take this life of hell. He simply wasn't strong enough. Not anymore.

With a determined look, Castiel bridged the distance between his hand and his future, touching Dean's chest. His hand did not pass through. Dean felt pure and whole and _real_. Cas could feel his heart beating in Dean's chest. It's rhythm was sporadic and fast, but there. Cas could tell it was missing a few beats, as if adrenaline was coursing through Dean's body.

On instinct, Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean, desperate to feel the man's embrace again. Cas was like a man starved of oxygen and finally being allowed to breath for the first time. He never wanted to stop. Dean's arms curved around Cas, pulling him impossibly closer. They stayed there, clutching each other as if they were each other's anchors.

Castiel was a ship in the night, perilously close to running into the rocky shore, and Dean was his lighthouse, illuminating his way.

"It's okay. I'm here now. It'll be okay." Dean tightened his grip on the smaller man, blinking away his own tears. Dean felt his shirt where Cas was laying his head become wet, and he heard the little hiccups that came from crying and not being able to breathe properly. Dean just held him even tighter, crushing him to his chest as he tried to stifle his own tears. He had to be strong.

Dean had no excuse to cry. At least he hadn't been tortured with Cas being in danger like Dean was. He didn't have to imagine all the terrible ways Cas could get blown to bits. Dean didn't have to imagine Cas hating him for having feelings for him. Dean didn't have to suffer through everyone in his family being happy while he was in misery alone. That's the benefit of war zones. Some people may have someone they're fighting to get back to, but they're all equally miserable in that moment.

No, Dean had put himself in the situation they were in. He'd run away, subjected himself to his father's will, just so he didn't have to face having feelings for another man, his best friend. He hadn't wanted to face them then, and he had put Castiel through hell just so he could run away and hide.

He was a goddamn coward, and Cas deserved better.


	30. Chapter 30

"I have to go," Gabriel said, struggling to shove his hands through his jacket and grab his keys at the same time.

"What? Castiel needs us right now, Gabriel," Anna hissed, grabbing his arm to stop him from leaving. Their other siblings had gathered in the doorway behind Anna, looking at Gabe quizzically and critically.

Lucifer looked at him knowingly, eyebrow raised and a smirk on his lips. Gabriel kind of wanted to punch him.

"I broke up with Sam to get Dean here. I have to make it right. I have to see him." Gabriel yanked his arm away and ran out the door, Lucifer yelling 'good luck' on his way out. Gabriel pulled out of their driveway, speeding to Bobby's house to make up with Sam.

After pulling in, he parked haphazardly and swung himself out of his car, slamming his car door shut and rushing up the porch steps. He banged on the old, thick door and waited anxiously. The barking started, and Gabe soon heard footsteps. The door opened, revealing Sam. "Gabe," Sam murmured, and the older boy lunged at him, wrapping his arms around the taller boy's neck, kissing him with abandon.

Sam had a moment of being frozen, then pulled away for a moment. His arms were wrapped around Gabriel, holding him close still. "Does this mean we are together again?" Sam eyes were shining with hope and anguish, and Gabriel wished he hadn't had to put it there. He wanted to make everything better, and he think he knew how.

Gave nodded, smiling at him lovingly, his thumb stroking Sam's cheek and went to run his fingers through the boy's hair. Sam smiled, going to kiss Gabe again. Gabriel kissed him back with relish, opening up to allow Sam into his mouth.

Sam carried him to the couch, sitting on it and placing Gabriel on his lap. Gabe smiled into the kiss, his hands going down to roam all over Sam's body, Sam's hands planted on Gabriel's lower back.

Gabriel pulled his lips away, Sam going to follow with a small whimper. "Woah there, big boy. I just wanted to see how far you wanted to take this." Sam frantically nodded, as if that was a clear answer. Gabriel would've laughed if this wasn't such a serious matter.

"Sam, this is your virginity. You're going to have to give a more express answer than that."

"Gabriel, I want to give my virginity to you." Sam's eyes were deadly serious, no hint of hesitation to be found. Gabe shivered at his full name on his tongue, it sounding like dirty words from Sam's gorgeous mouth, and observed him, trying to see if there was any possibility of Sam regretting this one day. When he found none, he smiled.

"If it gets to be too much for you, or you decide you don't want to, you can say no at any time, okay? Just stop and tell me," Gabriel said, staring into his eyes. He wanted this to be pleasurable for both of them. He didn't want any time between the two of them to be tainted with bad memories or unhappiness.

"I love you," Sam confessed suddenly, taking Gabriel by surprise. Sam had never said it, and neither had Gabe. In the five years they'd been together, they'd never crossed that bridge. Maybe it was because Gabe hadn't ever gotten to hold on to something good since his mother had died, and he was waiting for the other shoe to fall; if he told Sam how he felt, it would hurt all the more when everything didn't work out.

"I love you, too." Gabe swallowed past the lump in his throat, a tight feeling in his chest. Their lips met in a kiss with such tenderness that conveyed love and heartbreak and redemption and lust and everything in between.

Sam stood, Gabriel's legs and arms wrapped around him, Sam's hands holding Gabriel up by his firm ass. He slowly walked them to his room, careful not to walk them into anything. Gabriel kept kissing him, choosing to move down to his neck and collarbone, licking and kissing and biting all the exposed skin that he could get at with his tongue, lips, and teeth.

Gabe wanted Sam to enjoy every minute of this.

Sam got them into his room with no issues, gently tossing Gabriel on the bed. The shorter man landed in a graceless heap, grunting at the landing. Sam smiled, crawling up the bed and over him. As he crawled up Gabe's body, he made sure to kiss and nip as he pulled Gabe's shirt up. Gabe was a moaning, withering mess beneath him, letting Sam do whatever the hell he wanted.

When he reached Gabe's neck, he stopped moving up, instead choosing to pull Gabe's shirt completely off and start kissing his neck and throat as he took off his own shirt. When they were both shirtless he leaned back on his knees, looking at all the hickeys he'd left over Gabe's body. He'd had five years to fantasize about what he would do when he got Gabriel into his bed, and he was just getting started.

But, he had no idea what to do next.

Seeing the indecision and slight nervousness on Sam's face, Gabriel smiled gently and put his hands on Sam's stomach, his fingers slowly trailing down until they reached the button of Sam's jeans. He unbuttoned them and unzipped them, and Sam seemed to get the message. He began helping, wiggling out of them as best he could. Eventually he had to roll off Gabe to fully get them off, and Gabe took the time to do the same. Their underwear was gone now, too, leaving no barriers between them except the thick air and their own feelings.

Gabriel took a moment to appreciate Sam's body. He was built, for sure, but he'd never seen his lower half. His legs were toned, the muscles obvious. His calves looked to be as solid as rocks. But what really had Gabriel drooling was his size. The younger man was hung. He was long and thick, and Gabriel wondered if he'd fit. He shrugged; if he fit, he fit, if he didn't, Gabe would visit the doctor. He wasn't going to worry about it now.

All that mattered now was that he and Sam were together, and that's how they would stay.


	31. Chapter 31

Dean chose to stay with Cas for the next few days.

He refused to leave Cas's house without him. Castiel was elated at the change in Dean's behavior, and they fell into step as if the friends had never been parted. If Castiel clung to Dean a bit too tightly, Dean never uttered a word. If Dean seemed a bit more overprotective, no one else pointed it out. They needed this.

Castiel's family buried their bitterness and protective instincts for the sake of Castiel, knowing Dean would be the one to fix him. Dean and Sam made amends, congratulating each other for finding some shred of happiness. Gabriel left home to live with Sam. Sam finally went back to the home they'd shared with John after the two reconciled through a phone call. John hadn't been able to get away at the time, but he said he'd be checking in frequently.

The first few nights, Castiel would wake up in a cold sweat, crying, believing that Dean had been another dream. On those nights, Dean would wake up and hold him close and promise him that he was never letting go.

This wasn't one of those nights.

Dean had seen war. He'd seen his friends die in the line of duty, and had imagined it happening to him a couple of times. It hadn't affected him as much then, thinking about his own death, but now he had something to live for, someone depending on him.

He'd fallen asleep in the hopes that it would be a light sleep, only the comforting darkness to soothe him. Instead, his mind had turned into a battlefield all its own.

He was back on the battlefield. He and his buddy Diggory were packing up some supplies from a recently-raided enemy base. They'd been ambushed. Diggory went down. A sniper had nailed him right in the forehead. Diggory had his family to go back to. A wife and two kids. Parents who loved him. It was all wiped away by some guy's bullet.

At first, the dream played it out as it happened. Then, things changed. Diggory went down, but now it wasn't Diggory on the ground, staring blankly up at Dean with a hole in his head, but Castiel. His beautiful blue eyes were all glossy, blank of all emotions. His face was dirty and smudged from the dry, dusty terrain, like Diggory's had been, but instead of the gear, he wore the same suit he'd worn to their Junior prom when they'd jokingly been each other's dates, but Dean had ditched him halfway through the night for some pretty face Dean can't even remember; Dean still remembered how handsome Cas had looked that night.

Dean had yelled, screamed, rushed to him even as bullets buzzed overhead. It didn't matter now. Nothing mattered now. Cas was dead. He was laying there and he wasn't breathing and Dean felt like he couldn't breathe either. Dean had clutched at Castiel's dead body, begging him to be alive, to not leave him alone.

Castiel didn't blink. He didn't breathe. He didn't answer Dean's wish.

Dean woke up them, a broken sob choked in his throat, a sound finally emitting from his chest that was barely even attributable to humans.

Castiel woke up sometime before him, and he'd been the one to wake Dean from his living nightmare. He held Dean close now, whispering soft words into his ear.

"It's okay, Dean. You're alright. No one is here but you and me. We're all that matters right now. Come back to me, my Dean," Castiel murmured into Dean's soft hair, his voice a husky, soft, reassuring lull.

Soon, Dean's sobbing quieted, the nightmare finally melting away. Exhaustion ate away at Dean. Within a moment, Dean's breathing evened out, his body becoming limp, Dean falling into a dreamless slumber finally.

Castiel held Dean for a bit longer, then gently set him down on the bed again. Castiel was thankful Dean fell back asleep. He needed rest.

Castiel went to get up, wanting a drink of water, but Dean sensed the warmth emitted from Castiel recede from the bed and the mattress shift, and he whined subconsciously, reaching out blindly to where Castiel was. Castiel smiled, choosing to ignore his concern at Dean's separation anxiety for now, and climbed back into bed. Dean's arms wrapped around Cas on instinct, and Dean sighed contently.

Castiel cuddled deeper into Dean's chest, breathing in his scent, before joining Dean in slumber.


	32. Chapter 32

It took months of therapy before they could even begin to heal.

Cas's nightmares persisted, and Castiel could only be soothed by Dean. The army, after hearing of Castiel's condition and codependency on Dean, decided to give Dean an honorable discharge. Dean was grateful, knowing he couldn't leave Castiel like this.

Dean's own nightmares became regular, uninvited guests in Dean's and Cas's bed, all morphing from war and bloodshed to the idea of Cas leaving when he gets well or beginning to hate Dean. The counselor had a field day when she'd discovered Dean's deep, horrible feeling of self-hatred and strove to fix that.

This was met with resistance, but at Cas's pleading looks, he'd relented.

Chuck had stepped into the dating pool after months of hesitation and a push from his sister. He found a woman by the name of Becky that took to mothering like a fish to water. She soon had all the boys whipped into shape- even Raphael- and had them all wrapped around her finger. Within months, their father had proposed, and they were married the next spring. By the next year, she was pregnant with twins- a little boy and little girl- who they named Samandriel (but everyone calls him Alfie) and Hael. The siblings all welcomed the two new additions with open arms, all eager to show the little ones all the love and attention they'd denied each other for years.

Lucifer soon met and fell in love with a man named Nick, who'd recently lost his wife and child. Nick was a bit broken, but Lucifer didn't mind helping him find all the missing pieces. Michael was wary at first of Lucifer's boyfriend, but soon grew fond of him himself. Raphael met a pretty girl who stole his heart and made him humble, while Michael met a smart girl that was willing to deal with Michael's mood swings.

Balthazar didn't end up settling down. He had no eagerness to start a family. He enjoyed traveling, which he did regularly. Anna just wanted to help her own family.

Sheriff Mills soon welcomed a troubled young girl named Alex into her home, the whole family loving Alex. Rufus eventually retired, choosing to spend his days messing with Bobby or fishing. Bobby finally got up the courage and asked Ellen on a date, and she happily agreed. Jo was ecstatic that her mom found happiness. Dean's friends all moved on to do exactly what they'd wanted. Jo and Ash began working together, solving cases left and right, Jo quickly climbing the ranks of her precinct. Bela really did start her own club, and Benny began working for her, even becoming her manager and helping her run the place. Charlie began working for the FBI as a computer analyst, and even started a romance with her coworker and FBI field agent, Dorothy.

Dean remained in contact with Lisa, the reporter, who actually relocated to Sioux Falls eight, almost nine, years later. He met her son, Ben, and wondered if he was his. Lisa reassured him that Ben wasn't his, but Dean still took on the role of father figure for the young boy. Lisa met a doctor named Matt who was very receptive to the role of father, but Dean still remained a large part of Ben's and Lisa's lives.

Tracy eventually took Andrew back, and Ansem took it hard for a while until their mom finally got him some help. A few counseling sessions later, and Ansem was finally working through his issues. Kate and Lily finally got married and started a restaurant together. Jake went into the military, where he became incredibly successful and rose in the ranks under John Winchester's tutelage.

John actually managed to move on from his grief for his wife, finding love with a woman named Kate Milligan. The two had a son together, Adam, and the Winchester brothers were happy for their father and accepted Kate and Adam as members of the family.

Sometime in high school, Dirk started applying himself in school again, taking an interest in studying cancer cells. He made huge contribution to the scientific community regarding cancer. Barry fulfilled his dream, going to Michigan State to study veterinary medicine. After Barry's parents got a divorce, he went to some pretty dark places, but Dirk and Sam and his other friends helped him through it.

Jessica traveled all the way to Stanford with Sam, both studying to be lawyers and sharing an apartment. Gabriel stayed in town, decided to go to culinary school to learn the art of baking. He even started his own bakery in town, hoping to give Sam some place to call home. Gabe visited Sam frequently in college, and just before Sam graduated, he popped the question to Gabriel. Kevin went on to navigate the dangerous mine-field of American politics, going so far as to become the first Asian-American president.

For their part, Dean took up managing Bobby's shop full time, and when Bobby chose to join Rufus in retirement, he took over completely. Castiel became a doctor, and he got to save people every day. The two tied the knot after Castiel's graduation, and soon they met a woman, Amelia, who was willing to act as their surrogate. Soon, they had a little girl named Claire, and the beautiful little girl grew up healthy and happy with a mommy and two daddies. Alex and Claire were close in age, becoming close friends when they met.

Castiel watched his friends and family all become happy with a smile on his face. He knew he and Dean wouldn't be happy forever, but that was fine.

They could get through Hell if they simply had each other.


End file.
